Jessica Streit

Psalm 46:5

[Jessica Streit @jesseshaye]

you'll end up real disappointed if you think everyone has the same heart as you do

[Hank Showers @schauer_me]

Unfortunately the stuff I ordered online did not bring me happiness but I will be conducting the experiment three to four more times just to make sure

[UnDo 512 @undo512]

well well well if it isn’t me crying bc i put on a sad song on purpose to be sad

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

Fun date idea: you buy me approx two (2) vodka cranberries, mozzarella sticks and then leave

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

why does everyone in rom coms know how to salsa. is that what i’m missing? if I learn how to salsa will matthew mcconaughey love me

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

I forgot how much sleep u start to lose when you have a boyfriend bc you want to stay up to talk to him & let me tell you when you’ve got 4 it’s like an anti-sleep experiment

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

honestly stay tf away from catholic boys they will fuck your entire life up and feel okay about it after saying a few hail marys

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

am I attracted to him or does he just cuff his jeans

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

I am:

⚪️ gay

⚪️ straight

🔘 seeking a rich elderly husband that’s going to kick the bucket soon so I don’t have to work anymore

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

𝒥𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝑀𝒾𝓁𝓁𝑒𝓃𝓃𝒾𝒶𝓁 𝒯𝒽𝒾𝓃𝑔𝓈:

Replacing 80% of meals with iced coffee because you’re existentially burnt out and can’t tell the difference between mental and physical exhaustion then wondering if you’re having a panic attack or heart attack from the caffeine

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

my worst quality is that I hold grudges but also i’ve never held a grudge that wasn’t deserved so idk maybe i’m perfect

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

I am very nice and I have great boobs why am I single

[Ashley Mayer @ashleymayer]

Does anyone have any suggestions* for being less tired?

*Excluding:
Stop drinking wine and caffeine
Start meditating or exercising
Get more sleep

[Sticks Johnson @JakeSwope]

Still can't believe I see tweets about people pissed off they didn't learn how to do their taxes in high school.

Its fuckin simple, let me teach you real quick:

Step 1. Get your W-2s

Step 2. Give those to your dad

Simple as that idiots.

[ellie schnitt @holy_schnitt]

my ideal saturday? day drink then come home, nap, pretend we’re going out for like 30 mins then give up and watch the greatest showman & order enough chinese food to feed an entire village. guy fieri is there.

[Bob @PoopFromDaButt]

I think I know why it’s called catcalling bc when you call for a cat to come here it never fucking works. Which is exactly the same thing when you’re catcalling a woman. It’s never going to work so why don’t you idiots just leave them alone and let women exist in peace.

[1984’s George Whorewell @EwdatsGROSS]

Bitches show up 20 minutes late with an iced coffee saying “traffic was terrible” instead of admitting they have severe time management problems because time seems irrelevant when you’re depressed.

It’s me, I’m bitches.