jessica guarneri

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Why does my Bitmoji always look pissed

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Now accepting wedding date applications. Wait, who am I kidding....there's no application.

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

I don't want good & I don't want good enough

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

You're obviously not doing it with the right person

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

My humor is on a third grade level & I don't give a fu*k

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

God promised never to flood the earth again, until Jessica tried to change the water cooler by herself

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

I hear fake boobs feel like bowling balls

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Is it possible to absolutely hate someone you've never met? Yes. Yes it is.

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

@agthorpe no.

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

If you're gonna love somebody, you better love somebody who ruins your lipstick not your mascara.

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Why do some people think they're more important then they are...

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Nothing more empowering then when a BOY is intimidated by an independent & successful woman.

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Aren't hypocrites just the best 🤗

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Came to the ball in her wife beater, lost her Nike shoe

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Music is the strongest aphrodisiac 🎶💦

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

God I'm shallow

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Stop looking @ me with those eyes like I could disappear and you wouldn't care why

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

@agthorpe @TFLN which time...

[jessica guarneri @jessguarneri]

Power is made by power being taken