jo 💖

I’m hopemaxxing

[jo 💖 @jo_bazz]

📌 https://t.co/WjgkE11ziK

[swinky @swinkying]

you’re on Very thick ice with me . i love you

[Troy Johnson @_troyjohnson]

You: "I'm only 35, I have my whole life ahead of me."

Sports Broadcaster: "Here comes the oldest player in the league. He's 32. A miracle."

[Fallon @filthtofilth]

we need non cancerous cigarettes to give to women so they look hot. men get the normal kind

[Cher @cher]

I Need To Shoot My Phone

[wint @dril]

its the weekend baby. youknow what that means. its time to drink precisely one beer and call 911

[jo 💖 @jo_bazz]

6 years of Odin 🥲🥲🥲

[jo 💖 @jo_bazz]

I’d like to introduce you to my new one eyed large sön, Odin 🖤

[Jason, ex Inferis @benedictsred]

Hate seeing a mf rub his hands together. Bro, you better be cold. If you scheming, I stg.

[Brandy Jensen @BrandyLJensen]

"RIP my Mentions" -me, gravely, as they lower the casket of my husband, Jonathan Mentions

[brent @murrman5]

[me telling my story how I survived a plane crash and lived on a deserted island for a year] it was crazy
[friend who once got a text from me where I accidentally called the grinch the grink] was the grink there?

[dick snickers @smithsara79]

Date: I'm pretty easygoing, you?

Me: *regularly gets stressed out doing captcha tests bc I don't know if bushes count as trees* Definitely.

[David Hughes @david8hughes]

[sees girl reading The Catcher in the Rye]
"Ah I love that book. The way he just [clenches fist] catches all that frickin rye."

[November @postoctobrist]

FRANCE: we're fancy
WORLD: ok
FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich is our national lunch
WORLD:
FRANCE: a fried ham sandwich with an egg is its wife

[The Pale Space Rider @truegritrumble]

DOCTOR: You only got one body. You should take care of it.
ME: If I only got one body, I should probably use it up. Really run it ragged.
DOCTOR: ...
ME: Get my money’s worth.

[Amelia Horgan @AmeliaHorgan]

oh you want to try and copy an email address, you fool, you rube, i will instead direct you to send an email, or perhaps i will add unnecessary < > to your text, hehehe i am going to ruin your day

[delia @delia_cai]

me (not handling things) to my friend (also not handling things): I think you handled it perfectly

[ella devi @ellad3vi]

today i emphasize with donald trump because i too before have attached myself to an attractive man who absolutely fucking hates me

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

Ohhhh so now I’m the bad guy. Just for being a huge bitch

[abrish @cxrnerrstone]

oh ur a people pleaser? name 3 people that are pleased with you

[jo 💖 @jo_bazz]

if the salary is so competitive why won't you tell me what it is? 😌

[trash jones @jzux]

i cannot stop spending money. I am the primary breadloser of my household