John Solit

Creative strategy and micromanagement. Hacking the mainframe a billion times a day.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

There's no hurrying a bus ride, I can tell you. You get on and you endure. @MichelleObama

[John Solit @johnsolit]

@CARFAXinc I purchased five Carfax reports yesterday but they are not on my account. You took the money. Time to gimme the fax. #help

[Purple Strategies @PurpleStrats]

After 10 years of working together in person, 100+ of our tight-knit Purple family assembled via @BlueJeansNet for our very first virtual staff meeting!

[John Solit @johnsolit]

@drewdraws2 Turbo, an abstraction of turbine, refers to a spinning or rotating action. Electric motors generate force via a rotating magnetic field. Boom - turbo. @Porsche , DM me RE my branding consultant fee.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

Want to know the best way to let your family, friends, and everyone you've ever dated know things aren't going so great? Accidentally click 'Send LinkedIn Request to Entire Contact List.'

[John Solit @johnsolit]

@thehill It's 3am. Who do you want answering the banana phone?

[John Solit @johnsolit]

@replyall @sruthiri could have just named this week’s episode ‘oof.’

[John Solit @johnsolit]

Babies and the elderly, together stinking, unrestrained and flailing, wildly complaining. Asking why are we here? What’s that? Who are you? And to all things, answering no. Food is everywhere.

It’s the 5pm dinner rush and it is pure lawlessness.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

Why is everyone else's mom's stuffing gross but yours is pure and wonderful?

[John Solit @johnsolit]

Capers are the pickled flower buds of a subtropical shrub called a caper bush. If allowed to bloom, they look like this and they're called Flinders roses.

So, you know, think about that the next time a caper is desperately rolling off of your bagel.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

TaleSpin (the Disney cartoon featuring Jungle Book characters inexplicably working at a 1930s air freight delivery company) was originally supposed to star Launchpad McQuack from Duck Tales.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

If it’s not burnt on the outside and frozen on the inside, is it really a fish stick?

[John Solit @johnsolit]

There's no wrong way to eat a Reece's. However, eating four on a Monday morning certainly isn't advisable.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

Walmart employs 2.3 million people. That’s the population of Paris.

Imagine if every Walmart employee were Parisian. Wait don’t.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

1997 FUTON EXEC

College is starting and futon sales are low. We need a new sofa that is uglier less comfortable and makes more sounds that resemble farts.

INVENTOR OF INFLATABLE FURNITURE

*raises hand*

[John Solit @johnsolit]

My fav people are the chefs on Kitchen Nightmares who rate their food 10/10. Like, you know this show is called Kitchen Nightmares, right?

[John Solit @johnsolit]

“Bomb cyclones” and “superstorms” and “sting jets.” Are meteorologists secret marketing geniuses?

[John Solit @johnsolit]

@ditzkoff @MikeDrucker Shut up, mom!

[John Solit @johnsolit]

Folks, you can get eclipse glasses and the DC public library for free. But you gotta do your summer reading.

[John Solit @johnsolit]

I just published “What Do Italian Supercars, Moustaches, and the 1980s Have in Common?” https://t.co/klo6tsQAhJ