Jonathan

All the skill of a worm, none of the confidence

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

99 tweets by me on this site, 99 tweets by me
Take one down, 'cause now it sounds dumb
98 tweets by me on this site

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

#XboxWonkaSweepstakes

[XBOX @XBOX]

Now that looks delicious 🤤

Follow and RT with #XboxWonkaSweepstakes for a chance to win a custom @WonkaMovie Xbox Series X & display, Edible Chocolate controller & chocolates!

#WonkaMovie Only in theaters December 15

Ages 18+. Ends 12/14/23. Rules: https://t.co/JFlKtTEHaC

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

@AynRandy I'm missing an all of the above option here

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

Shopping for electronics has got to be a huge rush for big fans of random alphanumeric strings

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

@bgmn5 @BoontaVista @Explosions_Fire Hm, I'm pretty sure the big one is for furnace exhaust, and another is exhaust from laundry dryer. Not sure on third one. Bathroom exhaust fan?

[Daggerlad @Daggerlad2]

Me: *getting really quiet because I’m choking on an ice cube and waiting for it to melt*

Date: cat got yer tongue? 🙂

Me: *throat spasms with laughter, honing the ice to a fine point before it shoots out and punctures the waiter’s chest* would a cat truly steal such an item😂

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

I think it's about time the magic 8-ball makes a big comeback. I'm talking major life decisions being made. Get it up there with astrology and tarot!

[Daggerlad @Daggerlad2]

Me: Oh ho! This peasant looks particularly foul

Advisor: That is a dog my lord.

Me: One of the beasts of four legs…. perhaps something to fear?

Advisor: You need not

Dog: *chewing on dead chicken*

Me: ah but see what it has done to that peasant boy 😭

[pourmecoffee @pourmecoffee]

Reader, I regret to inform you I lost the "Real or Satire" game again.

"Putin gives eight golden ‘rings of power’ to CIS leaders, keeping another for himself" https://t.co/I7xVNl7fac

[Paul F. Tompkins @PFTompkins]

If you haven’t started crying by the time he mouths “Violet Bick” you have realized your dream of being a true sociopath

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

Remember when that guy freaked out about being called a bedbug on here? That was fun.

[Daggerlad @Daggerlad2]

Unhinging my jaw for no particular reason

[wint @dril]

in real life yoda would get eaten by a dog

[Quite Interesting @qikipedia]

The Macquarie Dictionary 2022 People's Choice Word of the Year is "bachelor's handbag".

A "bachelor's handbag" is a takeaway roast chicken.

They are often purchased by single people, as they require no additional preparation, and in Australia, generally come in a handled bag.

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

"Last one standing" as a type of combat is, in some ways, the opposite of musical chairs.

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

Worth a zoom in on this pic, I reckon. https://t.co/1jBnN92h7A

[pourmecoffee @pourmecoffee]

Become ungovernable.

"In Taber, Canada an escaped ostrich is pursued by a Royal Canadian mounted police vehicle" (Destiny Nanaquewetung/Reuters)

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

My asbestos seeds didn't sprout in time for harvest
:(

[thomas violence @thomas_violence]

take me to chunch https://t.co/CK1Tt5glBd

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

Oversight, schmoversight. We're doing great with the sight we have. Not over, *definitely* not under. More like near. Yeah, nearsightedness is our thing! And that's good!

[Jonathan @jonathanisok]

Whaddya mean, "who watches the watchmen?" Ummm, the watchmen do, duh. They've got the qualifications!