Bolpo Funk

piss bucket salesman

[Bolpo Funk @jonobauer]

she honk on my shoo till I mimimimi

[Rodger Sherman @rodger]

Happy 15th anniversary to one of the tweets of all time

[shosh @shoshmcgosh]

one time i was my college’s mascot for a basketball game.

emphasis on one time

[Dan @dankgdl]

Once before class my friend said to me "time to clean house" and walked into the class his brother was in and just kicked him in the nuts

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

(daft punk One More Time voice) Auld Lang Syne

[respectful huff @alexqarbuckle]

Jake Sully: Must I sacrifice mine own son, like Abraham and Isaac?

Spider: I have to pee sooooo bad. These clothes are so itchy. What are farts made of?

[Brooks Otterlake @i_zzzzzz]

NIXON: Fantastic Mr. Fox. Disgusting picture. Fella wears a [expletive] corduroy suit.
HALDEMAN: [inaudible]
NIXON: They run the banks too

[BODEGA PEPTIDES @bigsnugga]

white guys stopped listenin to steely dan and got racist again. u cant have no hate in your heart when the voice of donald fagan is in it. we need to drop off copies of a'ja in the suburbs like crack

[Atlanta Falcons @AtlantaFalcons]

Start your engines 🏁

[Mitya @Discollaborator]

Yeah they're called the mountain goats, but it's really just one guy. He knows three chords and six trillion bible verses. His songs are all about breakups or drug addiction and he always sounds like he started singing on accident and isn't sure how to stop. He's my favorite guy.

[jake rhodes @jakebrodes]

A dem takes office it takes them 4 years to pass the We Love You bill, Which grants a 1 time $1200 loan to black small business owners. Every time a republican is in office day 1 they pass the all encompassing Nasty Mothafucka Act that kills every living thing on gods green earth

[Jason Harrison @nominalthoughts]

INSANE plot twist at 2:32

[#1 Carolina Hurricanes fan @drone_jock]

[Lee Corso meekly removing an American flag from the studio desk before shocking his viewers by tossing it over his shoulder and reaching back under the desk to reveal a turban]

Corso: Gimme me that turban! I’m going with the Taliban!

[Atlanta Braves @Braves]

On this day in 1974, Hank became the King 👑

#715Day

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

When I was born they tossed me into a bin labeled 'No good', but then they fished me out, handed me a cane and a top hat, and told me I'd make it in show biz. I think I was tossed head first I'm so sleepy all the time, And violent. Bring me my tap shoes, I feel a song coming on

[cj @futurevictim_]

the only lasting 9/11 memory i have is when the budweiser ad with the kneeling clydesdales came on during the super bowl and i said "those horses are praying to mecca" and my friend's uncle got so mad that he had to go in the backyard

[Bolpo Funk @jonobauer]

@MaxwellFrostFL COWARD

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[driving]
my astigmatism shows me the light of angels in every street lamp and headlight.

*sees your red brake lights ahead of me* but the Devil remains nearby,

*starts to speed up* I am the Sword of God

[ettingermentum @ettingermentum]

The vibes

[slick @dlicj]

my neighbor just told me about an alien sighting he had that was just a regular southwest boeing 737 in the sky but he said he could see into the cockpit with binoculars and there was an alien flying it