Jason Parker Green

Moody with occasional sunniness and a 50% chance of snarfed milk

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

NYC. Streets are packed. #WomensMarch

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

@FuKeith thank you sir.

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

Chris Christie has the look of a man who woke up in Vegas, hungover and married to a stranger. #ChrisChristie #StrangerDanger

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

I just wish George Carlin could have seen this election. #2016Election #GOPDebates

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

Chewbacca is the Abe Vigoda of the Star Wars universe. #StarWars #StarWarsTheForceAwakens

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

Overheard at a Brooklyn coffee shop Mom: where is your father?
Child: he's outside yelling at a sick Santa. #SantaCon #NYC

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

I wish I had tix for the opening night of Star Wars... Not so I could see the movie, but so I could scalp the tix and pay my rent #StarWars

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

The less I tweet, the more followers I seem to get. #Paradox #SilenceIsGolden

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

"a ruler that kills those devoted to them does not inspire devotion" - Tyrion (Stannis didn't get the memo) #GoT

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

"Get off my lawn" -people in Mass to the 7 feet of snow in their yard #snowmageddon2015

[Andrew @aibayroff]

#FreeStandUpFestival has just been announced! September 8-12, 2014!
http://t.co/5cZXBrDooM

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

@aibayroff Thank you man! And thanks for doing the show last week!

[Andrew @aibayroff]

#FreeStandupFestival BIG Thanks to our producers! @JoshRosen1
@jparkergreen @Schwartzer http://t.co/dgEDjzoNUf

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

Depression is cruel. often masked with talent and charisma so it appears you have everything, while you feel you have nothing. RIP RW.

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

That moment when you sit on a warm toilet seat and think, "that feels nice"
Until you realize what it really means. #warmspots

[StageV Variety Show @Stage5V]

Thanks @kathweems @ComicAngryBob @KevinBartini for the comedy thursday last, and thanks to @Schwartzer for hosting.

[StageV Variety Show @Stage5V]

Thanks @Schwartzer for hosting last thurs! Thanks also @Matt_Gifford @nyc_mouse @youdontevenaomi @IGiveGoodNooch @catocalvin @NoWayneInHell

[Liz Miele @lizmiele]

Woman in front of me: Can I have an iced hot chocolate?
Bitch, that's a chocolate milk!

[The Economist @TheEconomist]

A new survey suggests that many of the people living in Asia are worried about China's rise http://t.co/CtgpCT7zMA

[Jason Parker Green @jparkergreen]

Woman spends 30K to look like KimK. KimK probably spent 100K to look like KimK. Who wins? #celebrityculture #banalculture