Juju Nightingale

in denial

[Juju Nightingale @jujustheworst]

I have a love hate relationship with carbs

[Juju Nightingale @jujustheworst]

@saracomplainer Women

[Juju Nightingale @jujustheworst]

@theNikkiBellini 0

[● papi ● @papitheworst]

cashier: paper or plastic

me: i don’t even care if i die

[● papi ● @papitheworst]

I watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 30 minutes and thought wow cats are so easily entertained. Then I realized I had just watched my cat play with a ball of yarn for 30 minutes.

[● papi ● @papitheworst]

judge: do u swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth

me: no

judge: [whispering to bailiff] what now

[Juju Nightingale @jujustheworst]

If Gavin Newsom named Jimmy Kimmel as his 2028 running mate that would be either the best or worst combo of all time

[ppigg @s4m31p4n]

If your girlfriend doesn’t have at least 30 lbs on you, that’s your daughter

[Juju Nightingale @jujustheworst]

@govpressrelease Not many parents would do that

[● papi ● @papitheworst]

yeah i’m friends with the Monster under my bed

[● papi ● @papitheworst]

if u think about it the Roadrunner was a real asshole

[● papi ● @papitheworst]

me [listening to the same song 10 times in a row]: u know what would be perfect? 11 times in a row

[Wæs @watchingspirals]

healthcare for all? even adolf hitler?

[chase @funnysmartguy12]

attention seekers be like yes my birthday is in september

[Wopavelli @TheWopObama]

Creed if they were on a plane:

Can you take, the aisle

I’ll replace, your window seat

[dennis @dennismacelroy]

Asking the cop to hold my beer while I reach for my license and registration

[ppigg @s4m31p4n]

Certified 100% cutie pie sweetie