GorditaSlim

𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙛𝙪𝙨𝙚𝙙 𝙧𝙖𝙢𝙗𝙡𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 𝙤𝙛 𝙖 𝙜𝙚𝙚𝙠 𝙝𝙚𝙧𝙙𝙚𝙧

[GorditaSlim @kahearstee]

4: Mama, I'm not feeling so good.

Me: What's wrong baby girl?

4: I haven't had spaghetti for so long my stomach misses it. Listen, *puffs up belly* you can hear my tummy cry.

[𝕾𝖆𝖗𝖆𝖍 @SummerSongGirl]

Please bear with me, just eating this loaf and jar of Nutella, watching animal shows and processing a lifetime of bottled up feelings and trauma, brb

[cella @cellapaz]

Without police, who will solve crimes??

Duh:

[cheri @HANDAVKAD]

Anything you lose for being honest ... you never had it to begin with ❤️

[Dadman Standing @dadmann_walking]

[on a conference call on mute]

[someone says something funny]

me, straight faced: [unmute] haha [mute]

[Christopher Ashman @CAshmanActor]

[canadian high school]

kid: help me pls i’ve got diarrhea

me, the principal: ᴾᵒᵒ ᵗᵉᵉⁿ

[Ava @avainwordland]

Stop telling me I’m negative and start calling me an electron.

[FishHuntTexas ™️©️®️ @FishHuntTexas]

If you fish for a living, is your worst day also your best day? 🤷‍♂️

[𝙣𝙖𝙥𝙤𝙡𝙚𝙤𝙣 𝙫𝙚𝙜𝙚𝙢𝙞𝙩𝙚™ @NapVeg]

tacos before bros before hoes because no one likes a hangry bro, bro

[🖤Kat Ballou™️ @1fragmentedmind]

Climbing a mountain with baby steps...
But prepared to crawl on all fours.

[Larry’s Twin 99 @LarrysTwin99]

Don’t fuck with me, I’m part of the Pepsi generation

[mom mom mom mom mom @notmythirdrodeo]

Used this car wash 15 times during quarantine and it’s still filthy.

Giving my 4 year old one star, but will still use again because she works for popsicles.

[yeah ok @poutinesmoothie]

Samuel L Jackson: *pillow over my face* smotherfucker

[Jude D @heyitsJudeD]

I finally found my people

It's a pity they were all at an AA meeting

[fesmooth @fesmooth1]

9 years ago today I met my little girl and got to take her home. Fair warning- lots of puppy pix when I get home.

[C.H.U.D.ney Spears @chudneyspears]

If you don’t rush to add stuff to the machine after it’s started are you even doing laundry?

[.:RiotGrlErin:. @RiotGrlErin]

• It’s a Saturday Soirée on Thursday •

Join @ByrdMan0914 & myself by linking 1-2 tweets from you and/or a friend.

Plenty of likes & retweets to go around!

Entries end at 3PM EST.