Kaley Mitchell

[Bexxy @Bexxy__19]

UPDATE ON GERALD AND THE CROW SITUATION:

Things have escalated.

I repeat.

THINGS HAVE FUCKING ESCALATED.

For those of you just joining us, yesterday I accidentally entered into diplomatic relations with a gang of crows after Gerald stole my good spoon.

Well.

This morning I walked outside and Gerald was waiting for me.

Alone.

Standing directly in the middle of my driveway.

No screaming.

No hopping around.

Just staring at me like a tiny feathered loan shark who had come to collect.

I said, “Morning, Gerald.”

He tilted his head.

I gave him a walnut.

He did not eat it.

Instead, this motherfucker picked it up, walked three steps to the left, PUT IT DOWN, and stared at me again.

Message received.

The offering was insufficient.

So I went back inside and got more walnuts.

When I returned…

THERE WERE NINE CROWS.

Nine.

Yesterday there were seven.

Gerald is fucking recruiting.

And they were arranged in a SEMICIRCLE.

This isn’t a bird friendship anymore.

I’m funding organized crime.

I distributed the walnuts because apparently I pay protection money now.

Everything seemed fine until one of the smaller crows tried taking two.

Gerald immediately screamed at him.

The little one dropped the second walnut.

I have accidentally created an economy.

Gerald controls distribution.

There’s a hierarchy.

There are consequences.

I’m pretty sure I witnessed a disciplinary hearing before breakfast.

Then Gerald flew away.

I thought we were done.

WE WERE NOT DONE.

Twenty minutes later I looked outside and there was something sitting where Gerald had been standing.

A bottle cap.

A shiny rock.

And…

MY FUCKING SPOON.

HE RETURNED THE SPOON.

Ladies and gentlemen.

I believe we have successfully negotiated a trade agreement.

Unfortunately, there is now a crow sitting on my mailbox.

So I still cannot get my fucking mail.

I tried approaching.

He puffed up.

I backed away.

That mailbox belongs to the organization now.

At this point I’m just a tenant.

Anyway, Gerald has officially been promoted to General Gerald, Commander of the Driveway, First of His Name, Keeper of the Good Spoon, Lord of the Power Line, Collector of Walnuts, and Regional Manager of Whatever The Fuck Is Happening Here.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

But if I suddenly stop posting…

Gerald found out I told you.

[I Meme Therefore I Am 🇺🇸 @ImMeme0]

You can’t make this sh*t up!

CNN THEN:

2021: Painkillers should be investigated to developing fetuses

2017: Study links acetaminophen in pregnancy to ADHD

2016: Acetaminophen during pregnancy may increase risk of hyperactivity in kids

CNN NOW:

2025: Trump links autism to acetaminophen use during pregnancy, despite decades of evidence it's safe

[Wall Street Apes @WallStreetApes]

HOLY CR*P 🚨 The day Charlie Kirk was killed and everyone was focused on that, Gavin Newsom and California Democrats rammed through an online censorship bill

PENALTIES

- If you post something on social media anywhere online that the state of California deems to be hateful, there's a penalty for that reckless violation, a civil penalty of up to $500,000.
- For an intentional, knowing or willful violation, a civil penalty of up to $1 million

“SB 771, passing the Assembly on September 10th, 10 days ago. Then on September 16th, passing the Senate completely under our noses, which means right now, all that stands between complete statewide government censorship is Gavin Newsom's signature”

“I exaggerating about how bad this bill is? No, I am not. Here is the actual bill. You can pull this up yourself on the state's website.

The Bill's called SB 771. It's called Personal Rights Liability, Social Media Platforms.

In Section 2, Title 23 of the Bill, it defines the penalties for breaking this new California law

- If you post something on social media anywhere online that the state, the State of California deems to be hateful, there's a penalty for that reckless violation, a civil penalty of up to $500,000
- For an intentional, knowing or willful violation, a civil penalty of up to $1 million.

That is the definition of the state controlling speech, folks.

— What type of speech is California trying to police here? Well, let's read from the Bill. It says, "This bill protects against online harassment, particularly when directed at historically marginalized groups."

“the State of California's actively passing UK style laws that will fine you for saying the wrong thing. Pretty wild. And this bill is completely done, folks. It's passed in the House, it's passed in the Senate. All that's left is Gavin Newsom signing it into law”

This is all 100% true, he even clipped screenshots from the bill and put it into the video as proof

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Well done!

[Kaley Mitchell @kaleyk1]

@cristo_radio @MatthewTorbitt @iamtomskinner @grok This is probably embarrassing but what’s mine? @grok

[Kaley Mitchell @kaleyk1]

@CharlieBerens Yay!!! Wilmington! And not like Raleigh or Charlotte or whatever 👏🏼🍻

[Appalachian Mama @EastTNMama]

This testimony was from a man who worked border patrol for 20 plus years. It was given in November 2024. Why are we not still talking about this? We can’t let this go.

This is not my transcription and it is not verbatim, but close enough.

“I state without reservation that the United States federal government under Joe Biden and Kamala Harris is the world's largest child sex trafficking organization in modern history. The probability…that thousands of these children are being raped at this very moment is one hundred percent."

"I served in the United States border patrol for twenty four years until I retired as a deputy patrol agent charged in San Diego sector. I worked under five presidential administrations, and only one president secured the border President Donald Trump.”

“Border Patrol agents went from working and being supported by the greatest border president in American history…
To the worst, president Joe Biden. My last year in the board patrol was Joe Biden's first year in office On his first day in office I watched in disbelief as ninety four executive orders cascaded down from Washington DC obliterating every immigration policy that had been provided the most secure border in America's history. Border agents were forced to carry out unconstitutional orders, and that violated every law in the Immigration Nationality Act President Biden, through Department of Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorcus, created policy out of thin air, ignored federal immigration law and facilitated the largest mass invasion into America that the world has ever seen....

The United States of America will have spent hundreds of billions of dollars…in four years to fund the needs of over fifty million illegal aliens that populate our nation. Between one in six and one in seven residents in America is an illegal alien. America has suffered the greatest demographic shift in modern history.
After serving in the United States Border Patrol for twenty four years... I state with complete certainty that Biden Harris and Myorkas are intentionally strategically, and purposely weaponizing illegal immigration and using it as a tool to fundamentally transform America. Inside this invasion the unspoken evil of child trafficking and more specifically child sex trafficking has flourished.
At the end of this current administration, the number of children traffic will have grown to over five hundred and fifty thousand unaccompanied alien children known as UACs.”

[Autism Capital 🧩 @AutismCapital]

Unironically the best advice we could ever give to young autists and young people is unapologetically stick with your niche hobbies and interests no matter what because you have NO idea what the future holds.

All those things that are currently cringe today could be full careers tomorrow. People had no idea streaming could be a profession, esports would be a real career, people could make livings off of filming their D&D campaigns, fake internet money would be in the United States National Strategic Reserve, people messing around in FruityLoops (FL Studio today) would give birth to an entire genre of EDM music, etc. etc.

All these things were cringe and mockable by others when they were in their nascency. Now kids today write them down as what they want to do or be or have when they grow up.

You have NO idea what the future holds, you have no idea when your unique quirks will be invaluable to the world. Don't throw away your spark, don't have shame over your interests, unapologetically pursue them over years and decades, don't listen to those who can't understand the future, and you have no idea how well you may be positioned come tomorrow.

[RyanPatrick🇺🇸🦅 @RyanHatesGovt]

Battling demons.

[Jason D. Meister 🇺🇸 @jason_meister]

Imagine throwing a “No Kings” protest after your party refused to hold a primary, coronated Kamala without a single vote, sued to keep RFK Jr. off the ballot, and attempted to remove Trump from state ballots only after your illegal lawfare scheme failed.

If there was a modern day monarchy in America there would be one party you could point to.

The Democrats.

[JD Vance @JDVance]

Gavin Newsom says he didn't have a problem until Trump got involved. Both of these photos were taken before the president authorized the national guard to go protect our border patrol in California. Does this look like "no problem"?

Newsom and his stooge Karen Bass fomented and encouraged the riots, because their entire political movement exists for one purpose: to promote mass migration into our country. It is their reason for being. Democratic leadership has no solution for the economy, for prosperity, or for security. They use their power when they're in the majority to import millions of illegal immigrants and when they're in opposition they do everything possible to prevent deportations.

Under Newsom's leadership, medicaid was extended to all illegal immigrants in 2024. This means that he elected to take healthcare from impoverished and disabled Californians and give it to illegal aliens. And now, everything is President Trump's fault? Give me a break.

If you want to know why illegal aliens flocked to your state, stop accusing Donald Trump. Look in the mirror.

If you want to know why border patrol fear for their lives over enforcing the law, look in the mirror.

It was your policies that encouraged mass migration into California. Your policies that protected those migrants from common sense law enforcement. Your policies that offered massive welfare benefits to reward illegal immigrants. Your policies that allowed those illegal migrants (and their sympathizers) to assault our law enforcement. Your policies that allowed Los Angeles to turn into a war zone.

You sure as hell had a problem before President Trump came along.

The problem is YOU.

[U.S. Senator John Fetterman @SenFettermanPA]

I unapologetically stand for free speech, peaceful demonstrations, and immigration—but this is not that.

This is anarchy and true chaos.

My party loses the moral high ground when we refuse to condemn setting cars on fire, destroying buildings, and assaulting law enforcement.

[MAZE @mazemoore]

A President has the power to let 10 million people enter our country illegally. He can even put them on planes and fly them to any city he wants.

But when a President tries to remove people who are here illegally, the courts jump in to stop him. What a joke.

[Kaley Mitchell @kaleyk1]

@ohhyoubetcha The amount of times I just ended up giving them the remote 🤣

[Riley Gaines @Riley_Gaines_]

Female administrators barricaded girls in a locker room after they expressed their discomfort with undressing in front of a boy. She literally stood guard in front of the door so they couldn't leave.

This is sexual abuse and exploitation of minors. Ahem, @FBI...

[Joey Meugniot @realjoeymUS]

How did we go from “Trump is going to start WWWIII”…

…to now being angry that Trump is trying to stop WWIII from happening?

And explain it to me like I’m a five year old.

[Congressman Wesley Hunt @RepWPH]

So you’re furious at @ElonMusk for exposing the scam, but totally cool with being scammed?

Genius.

That’s some next-level logic from Dems.

[QueenMother👸🏻 @QueenMother1976]

In case you’re having trouble keeping up, here’s a summary . . .

Trump: I am cutting wasteful spending by our Government.
Democrats: IMPEACH HIM! We told you that Trump would be a dictator on day 1!!

Elon: We are $36T in debt, let’s find ways to cut Government spending.
Democrats: NO ONE VOTED FOR ELON MUSK!

RFK Jr.: I want to make America Healthy Again!
Democrats: WHAT!?! Noooo!!! You can’t do that!!

Trump: I will be putting a 25% Tariff on Mexico and Canada for refusing to work with America to stop the trafficking of deadly drugs coming into our Country.
Democrats: WTF!! Americans will now have to pay higher prices for Avocados and Coronas.

Tulsi: We should discuss the U.S. DoD funded bio labs in Ukraine.
Democrats: OH!! HELL NO! Tulsi is Putin’s puppet!!

Trump: I am deporting criminals who are in our Country illegally.
Democrats: Ummm?!?! Who will pick our crops????

RFK Jr.: I want to put an end to the rise of Chronic Diseases in children.
Democrats: Hey, dummy…that is literally Big Pharm’s job!!

Trump: We should look into ending all Federal Incomes taxes.
Democrats: WTF!! What about egg prices?!?

Elon: We should investigate how members of Congress making low end 6-figure salaries become multi-millionaires.
Democrats: PANIC!! Billionaire Musk will have access to your home address and social security number!

Trump: I want to move forward with eliminating Federal Income Taxes on Overtime & Social Security.
Democrats: AHHH!!! YOU ARE LITERALLY HITLER!

Hegseth: We shouldn’t spend billions protecting foreign borders, while completely ignoring our own.
Democrats: WHAT ABOUT EGG PRICES?!?

RFK Jr.: We need to ban toxic dyes and bring awareness to the negative impacts on Fluoride in our water.
Democrats: SOMEONE, STOP HIM!! He is a crazy conspiracy theorist!!!

Trump: I am protecting women’s sports by signing an Executive Order to ban biological males from biological female’s sports.
Democrats: HORRIBLE!!! Only evil people would do such awful things to transgender women!!!

Elon: Should we audit the IRS next?
Democrats: The Rocket Scientist is, like, the dumbest billionaire, like, ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!