Karen Jaffe

improv, stand up, sketch comedy. Yes, have some.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

Woke up this morning mumbling “you can’t season meat that’s already been buried” and I am pretty sure this means I have officially begun my wise-old-Southern-woman stage of life.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

Just left a blind person and said “see you later” instead of “goodbye” and I would like to go ahead and crawl in a hole now thanks.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

My neighbors installed their basketball hoop at the end of their driveway away from their house (but right next to mine). Can't wait until it's warm enough to host comedy shows in my backyard and subject his kids to some real world problems.

Passive aggression, suburban style.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

My boyfriend just casually asked me if I had ever taken the MMPI and I don’t know if I should be mad or flattered.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

I have become so midwestern that I am basically a casserole in human form.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

@Delta Hi Sage! I am traveling in the morning and neither https://t.co/i5XWOsaLTJ nor KLM will let me check in on their websites, which is making me nervous as I am in Italy. Can you please help?

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

@megstalter @hbomax @A24 YESSSSS

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

If you think that “booty hole” is a better descriptor than “asshole,” I don’t think we can stay friends.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

@ProducerCody Wordle 347 2/6

⬛⬛🟨⬛⬛
🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩. Also Bam

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

I just subscribed to CRAFT TALK so I could participate in this challenge. Super excited that it will push me over the hump! https://t.co/qWXo83vOgY

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

I’m at a weird point in my life where I like to get high and write thank-you notes.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

@katemockelliott I thought you were fabulous and gorgeous!

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

This isn’t a teenaged diary entry, by the way. This happened this morning.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

Hey remember that one time I was going to relax all day and then my mom texted and told me she needed me to go grab a package from her porch and I did and then I saw someone I knew and looked like complete shit and was obsessing about it for the rest of the day?

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

Kegjaf: Thank you for calling the (where I work) Store. Can you please hold?
Disgruntled customer: I guess, but I’m at work.
Kegjaf: Oh! Me too! One moment.
Customer in-store: That’s some real Karen shit…oh, wait.

END SCENE

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

I had one of the best sets of my life on Saturday night, but I went from walking on air to crashing to the ground when the host came back onstage and said “give it up for Tits McGee, everybody.” So yeah, ask me again if it’s harder for women in comedy.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

A woman just called our store and demanded we call her husband to tell him she hadn’t been difficult this past Friday.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

Wanting so much for a new drag queen to name herself Myrna Vackseen.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

@lorigcomedy Can you imagine if we did the same? Them: Hey, I’m looking for the best way to try stand up comedy. Us: You should try a therapist and/or a stylist. Maybe reconnect with your high school bully and/or your parents.

[Karen Jaffe @kegjaf]

Thinking about starting a cat litter brand called Shitsand Giggles.