Keith Whitaker

I'm a proud father who is not nearly as literate as i once was, but i have hope...

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@GeoRebekah That’s mostly it for me, “ew”.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@queerBengali I’ve followed you for a long time and you’ve always been beautiful. I don’t know what’s up with these bots or performative idiots, shading a woman they wouldn’t even dare to approach.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@iamAtheistGirl @DanielMike98890 Her hair is incredible - it would hard to stop looking at it. I don’t understand anyone who doesn’t love this.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@MyNameIsntRyann @esjesjesj If you hadn’t posted this, I was going to….

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@iamAtheistGirl Hi Sunshine! Have a fun day!

[Cera Gibson @CeraGibson]

There’s a fundamental misunderstanding of feminism happening among men. Feminism is not “I don’t need no man.” Feminism is a rejection of a system that places women below men, and stations them as care givers, wives and mothers exclusively. It’s a rejection of inherent gender roles. That also means it condemns the forcing of impossible ideals onto men as well. At its core, it’s asking for the same rights, protections and opportunities to be available to all, regardless of gender.

I understand that dismantling gender roles, also dismantles the identity of men, at large. That can lead to feeling lost, alienated and angry. You’re overworked, under appreciated and lack intimacy. That hurts, but that is not the fault of feminism. That is the fault of a society that values individuals based on their ability to labor. That is the fault of men that have made women feel so unsafe, that they are hesitant to interact with men they don’t know.

We all need one another. I am a feminist and I think we need men, but we do not need patriarchy. We need to take care of our people.

[JPCampbellBiz @JP_Biz]

Ok brother, do you think you could make Outlook search work when you have a minute?

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@kareem_carr I wish I could like this a hundred times.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@nadienadianadie IQ is an artificial construct, it has no real meaning. There’s no such thing as G, general intelligence. These tests are replete with biases and measure nothing meaningful.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@KeithOlbermann @espn @stephenasmith As a lifelong ESPN fan, I stopped watching a year ago because of him and McAfee. I’ll watch games now and then but none of the non-game fare.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@livvymattock I’m so proud of you! Your good news made my day!

[The Sting @TheStingisBack]

Martin Blank pulled off 'death by stationery' 17 years before John Wick. Grosse Pointe Blank—one of the best films of the 90s, with one of the greatest soundtracks of all time. Possibly the greatest romcom ever told from a male perspective.

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[Furkan Gözükara @FurkanGozukara]

Mehdi Hasan: “You falsely said on TV that 50% of social housing goes to non-British people but the real number is actually 14%.”

Matthew Goodwin: “I don’t think the government census data or the Mayor of London are credible sources.”

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@kareem_carr If only this were not so true….

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@TheCinesthetic Maybe the most audacious ending ever.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@aliciaandrz Every day, the first tweet from you makes me relax a little, knowing you had the strength to add a day on to your accomplishments. You always make me smile and I have such faith and everything you write just reassures me more. You make me proud.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@Angry_Staffer This stuns me that it isn’t talked about all the time along with thinking an immigrant visa is a credit card.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@aliciaandrz You are a star! Congratulations and I’m looking forward to tomorrow being two years and one day….you deserve the applause.

[Keith Whitaker @keith9698]

@iamAtheistGirl My kids loved the Alexander books! I hope your day improves….