i forget how to twitt3r

make Twitter funny again

[teryn @youngtiddy]

bro u were a proper scallywag the night afore

[i forget how to twitt3r @keithstud4ever]

@abbyelizabeth23 $500? Fuck no that won’t even cover the copay for the doctors appt you’ll need immediately after

[i forget how to twitt3r @keithstud4ever]

@Dreagonz19 Also wish everyone would STOP with the “normalize” posts… they are SO annoying we don’t need to normalize every fucking thing 😂 sometimes it’s abnormal and that’s ok

[Zzz💭 @CountinZs]

i eat my first meal of the day at 5pm bro don’t ask me for no advice

[2009 Alex Rodriguez @LeBronCenaOrton]

me when my friends can't drive & be breaking too hard 😭

[D. Diggs @98diggs]

why as a Chipotle worker are you telling the lady at the register I got double chicken

[ᴘᴀᴠʟᴏᴠ ᴛʜᴇ ᴄᴏʀɢɪ @PAVGOD]

when u leave ur dog w/ grandparents

[i forget how to twitt3r @keithstud4ever]

@LoveIsland One of my fav parts of the show was the uncomfiness of them stepping forward and not getting chosen, and then they get stolen :/

[i forget how to twitt3r @keithstud4ever]

@Dreagonz19 That is unreal how much did you bet

[i forget how to twitt3r @keithstud4ever]

Can we all just agree people that attack comics on stage have small peepees

[i forget how to twitt3r @keithstud4ever]

@abbyelizabeth23 Ahhh… better luck ep 4 🙂💛

[emma @Em_Bers]

bagels should be free for girls

[Robert Schultz @_RobertSchultz]

A guy my age was telling me how happy he was that his wife just gave birth to their fourth child then was like “sorry, don’t mean to brag” and it’s like, oh no worries, your life literally sounds terrible to me

[brooke @BlokyzzOriginal]

there is no doubt in my mind Pete Davidson has his own set of fairly odd parents

[Victoria M. Walker @vikkie]

My dog, who does not pay rent or bills and is, himself, a bill, has sighed three times in the past five minutes.

[Renaissance Dan @Mr_DrEsquire]

To everyone who wrote “stay cool” in my middle school year book…I have some devastating news

[mir.i.am #PrayForSnooki @moll11y]

When the Hibachi chef asks if you can catch a shrimp in your mouth