kelly powell

welp, remedial at love, remedial at math

[Elizabeth @beefington420]

Little kid logic is never what I expect it to be. My son pinched his finger in the door hinge while I was shutting the door, and I expected him to blame me, but instead he goes,“we should have no doors, only holes,” while still crying

[puter @modelocigarette]

modern remake of the shining that takes place at great wolf lodge

[Papii🥤 @ammalusty]

me: can i get a burger ($5.99) with fries ($1.99) and a soda ($1.49)

cashier: sure that’ll be $25

me: ok

[jo @cowboypraxis]

life is basically just about if you like your outfit. god help you if you don’t ..

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

Just made a huge breakfast of pancakes, fresh fruit, bacon,& more for my beautiful suburban family ☺️ It would suck if my moody teenage daughter came downstairs, realized she was in a huge rush, & just stuffed an unbuttered piece of toast in her mouth on her way out the door

[gina @___izzymaria]

LMAAAAAOOOOO, we all know what this means and this shouldn’t be celebrated.

[emma @timesnewemma]

L&D nurse, talking to another nurse: She is very stoic during contractions

me (to myself): i’m getting a good grade in labor, something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve

[ashley ray @theashleyray]

tweeting for the girls who always picked truth in truth or dare cuz they didn't feel like getting up to do anything

[smoky 🛒 @losethewar]

i genuinely think about this every night

[JP @jpbrammer]

the phrase "lipstick on a pig" has always inspired a deep sadness in me. I think of the pig, looking forward to her big night out, and I bring myself to the verge of tears.

[Mami @AnitaSmoke420]

me 4 days postpartum: why does my body feel like it was hit by a truck

[pj @pjayevans]

Learning minion language on Duolingo while my girl friend prepares to host thanksgiving for 48 people

[slothy @slothy_420]

i love when they’re doing road work and they let you drive on the wrong side for a few seconds

[non dairy queen @haleyvemealone]

Guests use the weirdest cups 😂😂 nobody uses that one 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

[latke @latkedelrey]

that little montage in the parent trap where hallie is in the bridal shop with her mom and styling the models for a photo shoot is still so good. natasha richardson is so beautiful and warm and brilliant that it makes me sad

[Georgia Coley @artwithinpod]

the pope wrote a 42,000 word manifesto declaring war on AI. we are so freaking back.

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

We're working on an app that lets you gamify loving your kids

[joanie @laracroftbarbie]

brazil. morocco. london to ibiza. straight to la, new york. vegas to africa.

[Zach Zimmerman @zzdoublezz]

survivor 50 might be over, but i'm still here wondering if jonathan called Mr. Beast "Mr. Mr. Beast"?