Kirby

Artist • Musician • Intersectional feminism, proletarian power, destruction of the patriarchy, eating the bourgeoisie.

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

@KLM I could pull my hair out. My husband and I have gotten completely opposing information about flying to DK today from 3 different reps, now I was on hold for 40 minutes just to be hung up on!?

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

Hey @HARIBOJP wtf is this??? Looks like a Barbie B in our peaches

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

@UPS I have sent a DM.

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

@UPS Why is it impossible to get in touch with a human being? My package is missing. It says it was delivered, but it isn’t here, and I’m not even able to talk to a representative about the issue?

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

A docuseries, but it’s about the couple you hung out with in your early 20’s who were on and off for 5 years and broke up once a week, and now they’re unhappily married with 2 kids.

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

Funeral for Sherry Garnett https://t.co/mmnjHHkOz7

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

What’s up, brotendo? I was thinking about getting my foreskin sewn back on because I haven’t candy flipped this hard since I got adult circumcised, bro.

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

@tomdelonge sings like “It’s hard being 17. Especially when you’re 43.”

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

I haven’t been on Twitter in a hot minute. I forgot how funny I am.

[Perla @perlaeneloceano]

This how my FBI agent watching me look into the conspiracy theory about the Malaysia flight 370

[Johnny Taylor, Jr. @hipsterocracy]

If you make a wish at 11:12 it opens up a portal to hell.

[Floyd @dafloydsta]

[first date]

HER: I just love a man who's not afraid to be honest.

ME: *trying to impress* You sound really stupid right now.

[Tony @tsm560]

You think real life is ugly? There are people on Twitter who are buying followers.

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

customer service: so the vacuum works just fine but you want to return it cuz it's... too loud?

me: [looks over at dog] that is correct

[Cabo 🍳🇺🇸 @Shot_Of_Cabo]

Happy Meal is a strange name for a cardboard box filled with sadness.

[Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit]

EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT THAT POLITICIAN WHO BODY SLAMMED A REPORTER. WELL WHAT IF THE ROCK IS PRESIDENT? WAKE UP PEOPLE.

[Floyd @dafloydsta]

[date]
HER: Do you like Star Wars?
ME: Of course
HER: Which character do you identify with?
ME: *leans in close* The complete void of space

[Kirby @kirbythefirst]

It's not drinking alone if you're tweeting while you do it, right?

[Todd 'Papi' Carlos @TheToddWilliams]

MICK JAGGER:♪Brown sugar…how come ya taste so good♪
NEIL DEGRASSE TYSON: Sucrose ingestion causes a surge in the brain's dopamine receptors

[Buffalo Temple of Music, Sports, and Whatever @SethFromThe716]

Peyote It Forward

#DrugMovies @midnight