KK

Melbourne boy, detoured in Hong Kong for longer than expected now in Canberra for some reason.

[cinesthetic. @TheCinesthetic]

Who is the best actor in the picture?

[Peter Girnus 🦅 @gothburz]

Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.

$30 per seat per month.

$1.4 million annually.

I called it "digital transformation."

The board loved that phrase.

They approved it in eleven minutes.

No one asked what it would actually do.

Including me.

I told everyone it would "10x productivity."

That's not a real number.

But it sounds like one.

HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.

I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."

They stopped asking.

Three months later I checked the usage reports.

47 people had opened it.

12 had used it more than once.

One of them was me.

I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.

It took 45 seconds.

Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.

But I called it a "pilot success."

Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.

The CFO asked about ROI.

I showed him a graph.

The graph went up and to the right.

It measured "AI enablement."

I made that metric up.

He nodded approvingly.

We're "AI-enabled" now.

I don't know what that means.

But it's in our investor deck.

A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.

I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."

He asked what that meant.

I said "compliance."

He asked which compliance.

I said "all of them."

He looked skeptical.

I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."

He stopped asking questions.

Microsoft sent a case study team.

They wanted to feature us as a success story.

I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."

I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.

They didn't verify it.

They never do.

Now we're on Microsoft's website.

"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."

The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.

He got 3,000 likes.

He's never used Copilot.

None of the executives have.

We have an exemption.

"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."

I wrote that policy.

The licenses renew next month.

I'm requesting an expansion.

5,000 more seats.

We haven't used the first 4,000.

But this time we'll "drive adoption."

Adoption means mandatory training.

Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.

But completion will be tracked.

Completion is a metric.

Metrics go in dashboards.

Dashboards go in board presentations.

Board presentations get me promoted.

I'll be SVP by Q3.

I still don't know what Copilot does.

But I know what it's for.

It's for showing we're "investing in AI."

Investment means spending.

Spending means commitment.

Commitment means we're serious about the future.

The future is whatever I say it is.

As long as the graph goes up and to the right.

[David Feng 🚄 SVP "10-Mil."-Initiative NEIN @DavidFengTrains]

IN AN ENCOURAGING DEVELOPMENT, NEW SIGNS IN BEIJING NO LONGER PUT STREET NAMES IN ALL CAPS, THUS JOINING THE REST OF CAPS CIVILISATION, ALL BECAUSE OF A MAN CALLED DAVID FENG LED A MAJOR PUSH TO STANDARDISE SIGNS WITH SWISS QUALITY. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION TO THIS MATTER! 🤣

[Collingwood FC @CollingwoodFC]

NOT. GOING. ANYWHERE. ✍️

Jamie Elliott has signed a two-year contract to remain in the black and white.

More: https://t.co/qXsYJIW2nS

[KK @kjingo]

@implausibleblog 6

[BOOP @Pettyyyboop]

I like to throw soy sauce at sad people. Kikkoman while he’s down.

[KK @kjingo]

Hello is this me

[frankie @frankieats]

finally completed a very important task i’ve been avoiding for several months. it took 8 minutes and zero effort on my part and i felt immediate and immense relief. i probably won’t learn from this

[KK @kjingo]

@AGoldmund Just started, the Gwen can't drive was a bit too close to the bone for my wife!

[KK @kjingo]

@bobbiharlow Rebel Ridge was a lot better than I was expecting

[KK @kjingo]

@FY4Chan 100% agree

[KK @kjingo]

@neondii @darthlux @thomas_violence Lol well it was the first in Victoria, was in Sydney before - can remember ppl buying boxes from syd domestic when they were flying back to Melbourne

[KK @kjingo]

@darthlux @thomas_violence What's wrong with ppl driving all the way out to fountain gate (of all places) just for a donut...

[KK @kjingo]

Who needs sleep anyway, grossly overrated.

[memes.xlsx @ExcelHumor]

the perfect mouse doesn’t ex —

[KK @kjingo]

@beetgordon_ I'm just glad itsnt the pies for once :)

[KK @kjingo]

@SwoopLuke Surely we rest Elliot regardless right?

[KK @kjingo]

What the what.

[6 News Australia @6NewsAU]

#BREAKING 🚨 Victorian government delays Melbourne Airport Rail Link by at least four years | #6NewsAU

[KK @kjingo]

@VoicesByZane Agree 100%, sometimes you just want to chill and enjoy the story - I just started unchartered 4 again but at the easiest setting

[KK @kjingo]

@tripperhead Reply by fax?

[KK @kjingo]

@pikafrenzy20