Kristin Calhoun

I think I am funny. Left handed vegetarian. Freelance writer of stuff. I like dogs more than people.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@thinkprogress There you go, teach them while they are young. Jeez.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@MiamiDolphins Orange seats make it obvious your stadium is only about half full of fans.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

Why does FL have two pro hockey teams and WI has zero?!?

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

I am "pretty sure" the government tracks people with smart phones. #flipphoneforlife

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@jbarro I have been off twitter for awhile and have thoroughly missed your homosexual snark. Glad to see you are keeping it real. xoxo

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@afbradstone @SpiderPiss ME TOO!!!

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

I love to eat foods that make my nose run.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@jilevin A line of coke.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@KurtNilson thank you for playing guitar upside down like a good leftie. ;)

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

I was going to be an animal lover and toss a spider out my car window.My window was up smeared him all over the glass. #creaturerescuefail

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@BuzzFeedBen The only reason I am following you is because your pic is mint chocolate chip ice cream.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@morningmoneyben How could this kill us?!? It's SMILING!!!! :)

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@TroyWSJ I find your phone screen size tweet pretentious and ostentatious. I will be buried with my flip phone placed gently on my heart.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@ArmstrongDrew It's "fiddy Cent". Goodness.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@AmandaMGriffin1 @ComedyCentral @amyschumer Lime and Lexapro combo: you evil temptress.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

Summer is here. I just had to tell my slightly confused pup that she could not bring into the house a smooshed June bug to play with.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

I had to tell Lily the dog today that I would love her more if her breath did not smell like the slime from the bottom of a Veolia dumpster

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

Recycled Fashion Show at Woodson http://t.co/xaYMqlumMv

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@AriMelber Nutella is the perfect food. You can smear it on toast, fruit, or a lover.

[Kristin Calhoun @kris_calhoun]

@AriMelber I LOVE NUTELLA.