Ftumch

Old body/teenage mind. Husband to beautiful & talented Wife. Proprietor of @Coopers_bar #SMTID #SMFC Opinions my own & may not represent those of my employer

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

“Have you got a pinned tweet?” they asked.
“You should deffo have a pinned tweet!” they said
“An account is nothing without a pinned tweet!” they exclaimed

“I’m not interested in having a pinned tweet.” I said, resignedly pinning a tweet to my profile

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@Scrappssss @GuyTalksFinance @gsb0824 I work security 2 days, 2 nights then 4 days off

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@PoliticoTeacher Or, hear me out.

I hate the Farage thing. Democracy is the most important value in our society. The voters of Clacton deserve a serious political choice, not a pantomime.

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@GuyTalksFinance @gsb0824 “Nobody is working a full 8 hour day”, apart from me, my colleagues & thousands of others who do 12 hour shifts.

Yes it’s my choice & I get 4 days off as well.

If you don’t like it find another job with one that suits you.

*Shakes fist at the sky “Damn working time directives”

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@UKMemes2026 https://t.co/93pOeI8g8L

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

Thanks to a breakthrough in our Preclean division, new ‘ultimate powerball platinum-plus extra super-ultra quantum infinity minority report’ dishwasher tabs remove dirt & stains from your crockery, cutlery, glassware, pots & pans before you’ve even thought about tonight’s dinner!

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

Today is one of those days when you’re a supporter of a “little” team.

St.Mirren F.C. are the Premier Sports Scottish League Cup winners 2025

So so happy right now 😁

#COYS
#SMTID
#StMirrenFC
#stmirren

[Mr Benn @thebowlerhatman]

Would you like an early Christmas present?
Would you like these pin badges?
All you have to do is RT this tweet & I will select a winner one week from today.
Good Luck.

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

WTF IKEA, not only do you not call it a Christmas Tree, you don’t even use English.

#StarmersbrokenBritain
#WokegoneMad

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

Dear all online sites that require me to such as my email or phone number etc, please let me at least complete more than one letter/number before hitting me with the ‘That’s not a valid address/number’ message!

#ffs

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@davidcoverdale No, it’s their piano now, along with everything else you own or hold dear 😹

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@LJamesRice @benonwine I also add to that ‘content creator’

[Mirren Mile @mirrenmilebook]

Want to win a signed copy of the new St Mirren book?

We've 5 to give away, just retweet and follow us.

https://t.co/VRjmldyy0S

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

Taking inspiration from, & paraphrasing, @rossie7dj

Things I never knew I never knew (until today)

Magnum, the ice-cream, is the name of the brand not just the actual products

🤯

#magnum
#icecream

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@bmay “You see, racism ?”

“That’s you that is!”

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@anon_opin But, but, but, I don’t even have a song! 🤷‍♂️

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@MyshkinFool As I went to work last week there were 4 men in uniform all speaking to each other in a foreign language, it was very disconcerting.
Then I remembered that I worked for the MoD & those men were ex Gurkhas who were on guard at the entry point to site! 🤷‍♂️

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@GaryDelaney I used play a game where I put pencils in my OH’s & daughters bags, pockets, hoods etc until one time we came home with over 100 of them & I was threatened with divorce if I did it again

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

I know they are just mattresses & pillows etc etc but it really gets to me seeing people & animals lying on those beds with no sheets, covers & pillowcases.

@SimbaSleep

#simba #adverts #pillows #mattresses

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@billy34467918 Do you have an access card? My wife has one with a plus 1 on it, indicating the need for a carer, we use it for going to theatre or gigs with discounted & even free tickets.
Surely the club could use that in conjunction with PiP, or would that be too much like common sense!

[Ftumch @l33tch3f]

@DanCortona Make that Two 😂 #totp