ca*t

New liver, same eagles

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

When you take your parents to visit the philadephia museum of art but decide not to bring up the emotional hurt they put you through the last time you saw them……..girl you’re taking the wrong Rocky Steps

[toad @thelifeoftoad]

Although you’re extremely attractive and I’d love to have sex I don’t think we’re soulmates and it would thus be irresponsible for me to entangle our spirits. Hope you understand

[Benny Feldman @Feldfrog]

Palm reader: You enjoy the simple things

Me (my palms were all sticky from ice cream); 😮

[lewis @Lewiswbt1]

Oh great, you've thought of a sentence that uses every letter of the alphabet. Too bad it perpetuates harmful stereotypes about dogs and foxes. I hope it was worth it

[໊ @soysabil]

and for the lady, perhaps a love so pure?

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

I’m home for the week and my dad keeps screen-casting fuck ass youtube videos to the living room tv … okay carnivore diet bieberchella…..

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

I can really tell one of my cats is gen alpha and it scares me :(

[Maeve @awes0megurll]

just asked this young Amtrak employee where on the platform I should wait for the quiet car and he said to stand “where sun meets the shadow”….

[hellogan1 @gebrauchsmusik]

And lead us not into penn station

[the killer @deadbodyonline]

i have so so so much love in my heart but only 3 texts back per day. in total

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

Smoking that shit that made Clifford grow so big that the Howards had to leave their home

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

Call her Lassi the way she make my Man Go

[Freddie Shanel @freddie_shanel]

your 20s are for gathering brick and wood and your 30s are all about ore and wheat

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

@missheatherbee !!! He is one of the scariest men I have ever encountered on television and I would NOT blame you for skippin

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

@missheatherbee I think she does eventually !!

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

@missheatherbee It is SO insane and I miss Bethenny Frankel (I think I’m on season 6?)

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

@missheatherbee (Watching RHONY for the first time, not using the Bensimon playbook)

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

@missheatherbee Wait omg so am I

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

Me (zero models for a robust, healthy romantic relationship): I bet I could be a match-maker

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

Christening the new apartment by immediately creating a bag of bags

[ca*t @ladyjesterman]

It is a truth universally acknowledged that just bc a guy “wants to talk”, it does not necessarily mean he has anything to Say