CYon

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

No one tells you when you have kids that hiding in a closet eating a cupcake is considered normal.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

Me: I'm doing so good, as I begin to build my healthy salad with olive oil and red wine vinegar dressing.

A table with leftovers is rolled into the breakroom..

Me: I should consider this fate, as I grab a plate, bc I got here before the email went out.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

Extra hour my ass....

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

Why are my daughters such DRAMA QUEENS!!

...thinks back to yesterday when I completely lost it bc I couldn't find the lotion...

Nevermind

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

Carve pumpkins with your kids so you can at least stab something while they complain.

[Abby Heugel @AbbyHasIssues]

"Would you like to donate $1 here at the register or leave feeling like a horrible human being?"

[thecurmudgeonly @thecurmudgeonly]

Fun fact. The Magic Eight Ball was invented by a father who was tired of answering his kids' questions.

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

I've never been on a Seal team, but I have smuggled my kid's old artwork to the recycling bin without him noticing.

[Mommy Cusses @mommy_cusses]

My kid just told me my belly looks big enough to be pregnant with quints, so it looks like we'll be taking a "field trip" to the orphanage.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

My gas tank is like..
Hey you're low
50 miles
30 miles
10 miles
5 miles
Keep fucking around, and you will be on the side of the road.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

You know that person who drives SLOW AS HELL in the fast lane, and refuses to get over?

My apologies, that's my husband.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

9yo:Look at all the cool stuff I can get! (hands me fundraising sheet)

Me: Everyone buys wrapping paper at Target.

9yo: Bu...

Me:Tar-get

[SingleBabyMama @_SingleBabyMama]

My mom found out I'm on Twitter. She freaked out of course. Her first question was "you're not friends with Trump, are you??"

[Lauren Mullen @DraggingFeeties]

The problem with a household with a stay at home parent is that both parents think Saturday is their day off, and both parents are wrong.

[Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard]

I'm too poor to afford Whole Foods.

I can only afford Partial Foods.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

@YCrackin Sad isn't it? I'm not sure what's worse. The fact that it was under there an extra month or the fact I thought it was still August..

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

If anyone is wondering how good of housekeeper I am, I just found a candy cane under my couch. A candy cane. It is August.

[CYon @livelistrepeat]

3rd grade parent night:

Sizing up my competition, and giving stink eyes bc this year no one is beating me to the volunteering clipboards.

[Some Copywriter @testicleas]

So he huffed and he puffed and it turns out the Big Bad Wolf had asthma.

[Tim @Playing_Dad]

Me: I'm grabbing a cup of coffee
Kid: Can I have a slushy?
Me: No, too much sugar
Kid: Isn't coffee just caffeine and sugar?
Me: What size?

[Stephanie Ortiz @Six_Pack_Mom]

The irony of finally being old enough to do whatever you want when you're "grown-up" is that you're too tired to want to do any of it.