Betty Watts

Don't ever mistake my silence for ignorance, my calmness for acceptance, or my kindness for weakness.

[Lauren Venegas @Fedyushina2016]

It's sad when dudes cheat on their beautiful girlfriends with baby monkeys, hamsters, guppies, turtles, and every zoo animal you can name.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

That fake laugh you do.. when you don't understand what someone just said to you. .

[Wen Kennedy @KhrapalSola]

The most dangerous thing about a vehicle is one nut - the one behind the steering wheel!

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

I got a text! I hope it's from.......... OH MY GOD, LEAVE ME ALONE.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

Reasons why I stop replying: 1. I'm busy 2. you're boring 3. I'm mad 4. you replied with one word 5. I'm on twitter 6. I'm eating

[Arlene Andreasen @igromak1]

Kicking ice cubes under the fridge when they hit the floor.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

My level of maturity changes depending on who I'm around.

[Sheryl Pemberton @98Donara]

There's a good chance this chocolate cake will need rape counseling after I'm done.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

A committee is twelve men doing the work of one.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

So when people yawn, do deaf people think they're screaming?

[Paula Burns @1993Ereshchenko]

You can't control your emotions but you can control your actions, so always think before you act.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

Suicide bomber: "EVERYONE HAS 1 MINUTE TO GET OUT OF THE PET STORE!" Turtle: "You bastard..."

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

*4am text message* "Hey are you asleep?" - "No I'm scuba diving, what the fuck do you want?"

[Jean Ross @80Iosafat]

This is how my week goes: Mooooooooooooonday Tuuuuuuuuuuuuesday Weeeeeeeeeeednesday Thuuuuuuuuuuursday FridaySaturdaySunday.

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

Dammit, this spermicide didn't work at all. My kids are still here and now they won't stop whining about their eyes burning.

[Jacqueline Goodman @podushkom]

That awkward moment when you want to laugh in a serious situation..

[Betty Watts @LNogacheva]

If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions.

[Gail Tejeda @88Sluzhitel]

Remember when I asked you out? No. Yeah, me neither.

[Winifred Sorensen @94Akhmadeev]

A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..