britt

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

[naming the months]

Me: ok what comes after June

Guy who came up with the 12 hour clock system: how about January PM

[The Goddamned Penguin @who_shot_jgr]

writing an e-mail and getting a prompt from AI "this sentence could be more concise"

no. i am verbose. i am loquacious. i am long-winded and often redundant even. you machine, do not tell me how to form my words

[Meg @megannn_lynne]

I get semi-frequent stomachaches after seeing a movie because my cinema-loving soul is sad to leave the theater. NOT because of the popcorn. That simply wouldn’t be possible

[JD Class @jonahalmost]

None of the instagram story fonts represent me :/

[s @escap1ngirls]

long pressing ur power button to force shut down a laptop feels like choking someone with a pillow to death

[lewys piper 🇵🇸 @generalquixote]

me when a small army of draculas is coming my way:

[max krieger left. check the linktree @MaxKriegerVG]

whipping out ctrl-a + ctrl-c on the news article before the paywall modal pops up

[e l l a 🇨🇦 @blondehotcoffee]

wait is each blade of grass its own plant?? or is like the whole lawn one guy

[Andy Ryan @ItsAndyRyan]

So embarrassing in an antique shop when I tried to buy a vase and it turned out to be the negative space between the faces of two other customers

[Oliver Darkshire 🌈 @deathbybadger]

GOD: okay everyone gets one thing from this bag of traits
ELEPHANT: i shall take a long nose
GOD: how fun
BUTTERFLY: i shall have beautiful wings
GOD: oho yes very charming
MOSQUITO: i shall be a heinous little bitch
GOD: you know what this is my fault i did put that in the bag

[Rick Aaron @RickAaron]

Me: Are Medusa’s pubes snakes too?
Accountant: I meant questions about your tax return.

[josh (oldfriend99) @oldfriend99]

Gonna get my eye looked at today.. usually it's the other way around

[rosie @crookedcourses]

a mouse leaving his apartment: phone, wallet, cheese

[Mr. Goji  @Mr_goji54]

Godzilla and Kong before Mothra showed up

[trash jones @jzux]

it’s my birthday, which means i get to make everything about me in a fun way. as opposed to every other day, which i make about me in a kind of bummer way

[swamp thing 🇵🇸 @castinemachine]

I can never have a letter boxed because every movie i see is good to me. it's a movie, what could be more wonderful than that. I know that guy from something else. delightful!

[mir.i.am #PrayForSnooki @moll11y]

I love a good nook. Not too crazy about a cranny

[mystery @dragfilthhorror]

A24 this A24 that have you ever considered A24 hour stay at the psych ward

[Patatouille @mikeroweplastic]

trying to participate in the front seat conversation when you’re in the back seat

[Daniel Litt @littmath]

Here are the numbers from 10 to 100 in alphabetical order:

18, 80, 88, 85, 84, 89, 81, 87, 86, 83, 82, 11, 15, 50, 58, 55, 54, 59, 51, 57, 56, 53, 52, 40, 48, 45, 44, 49, 41, 47, 46, 43, 42, 14, 19, 90, 98, 95, 94, 99, 91, 97, 96, 93, 92, 17, 70, 78, 75, 74, 79, 71, 77, 76, 73,