it’s hard for me to get dressed in the morning because I know I’m going to be wearing whatever I choose for three days straight and that’s a lot of fucking pressure
My 3 year old asked how long he had to wait until he could stop listening to me. I told him he had to listen to me for the rest of his life. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll listen to you for the rest of YOUR life." Toddlers are cold-blooded, man.
me: i never get invited to go out
friend texts me: hey wanna hang out
me: aww boo i can’t i have a headache *continues to watch scrubs for the 8th hour in a row*