Louis O'Neill

Betting on sporting & leisure events

[Ross Sayers @Sayers33]

My girlfriend just asked me if I could make her another couple bits of toast. She probably thought I'd need to get a second knife dirty. Wrong. I'd carefully rested the original knife on the edge of the sink. Been training my whole life for this moment.

[Boots, 'with the fur' @afraidofwasps]

Wife: Why did your phone password change? Are you texting that waitress again??

Me: (de-escalating through escalation) Well maybe if you were prettier

[The Guardian @guardian]

Jack Karlson, who shot to fame after ‘succulent Chinese meal’ arrest, dies aged 82 https://t.co/Nt8it0deC5

[Andy Ha @AndyHa_]

All Arsenal fans from now on

[Russell Warfield @russellwarfield]

@nickw84 This is the best I’ve ever seen in real life. Absolutely, extraordinarily bad.

[Ethan Taylor 🧌 @ethataylo]

this is edited like an I Think You Should Leave sketch

[hellon dude @allahliker]

johnny rico showed insanely poor judgment when he gave the sublime dizzy flores the high hat in his misguided pursuit of the skanky and disloyal carmen ibanez. will never respect him

[Sean Becker @Sean_Becker]

[consoling a friend after a breakup]

HIM: I won’t find anyone as good as her

ME (just finished watching Moneyball): we’ll recreate her in the aggregate

[Edvard Hecht @Heckedhead]

@darth_erogenous Picked up a copy of Fences (1985) from a thrift store and this was one of the only annotations in the whole thing

[Paddy @PaddyArsenal]

Ajax every transfer window

[joolsd @joolsd]

wait, this series was just aaron sorkin for restaurants?

[Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers]

He got his wish. He beat Henry Kissinger to death, by his own hand.

[Sridhar Ramesh @RadishHarmers]

Are these TikTok kids morons? Osama bin Laden is one of the most evil people in history, responsible for the September 11 murders. To put it in figures you TikTok kids will understand, that was nearly 0.27 assaults on Gaza.

[Wayne Rooney @WayneRooney]

Mate mate mate mate mate.

[lily @lilydemelloworr]

don’t get all the controversy about the opening line of millie bobbie brown’s new book, i think it’s pretty good tbh

[Jan @janhopi]

heard your boyfriend doesn't use a teaspoon to peel the ginger. he's just going at it with a knife. look how hard he's concentrating. he's lost half of it already. that's good ginger going in the bin there. pathetic.

[AI @nonewthing]

My name is Ego. Ego Jinpachi. Welcome to a new era of re-seeing football.