alyssa shae

i don’t know what your problem is but I’ll take a pinot grigio

[alyssa shae @lyssashae_]

@FakeJimBowlin @CityofWildwood @joe_garritano Noted!

[westerosies @westerosies]

#HouseoftheDragon

[UberFacts @UberFacts]

Out of this world facts about the Milky Way galaxy 🌌

[Anti-Hate. World Peace 🟦 @DianaMiller5]

Pre-Roe, I was 8 yrs old. I came home from school to find my Mom lying in a puddle of blood. She was weak & asked me to call a neighbor. She was miscarrying, but the embryo would not abort. For 48 hours, she bled while doctors transfused blood, waiting. Abortions were illegal.

[Abbi Crutchfield @curlycomedy]

I honestly think we are asking too much of cauliflower.

[Tesla Owners Silicon Valley @teslaownersSV]

“The United States could run on Solar with just a corner of Utah. There isn’t much there I’ve been there.”@elonmusk 🤣🤣

[Anastasiia Lapatina @lapatina_]

Life will defeat death, and light – darkness.

[al gore invented the internet @cmunsyo]

I feel so productive and like my life is on track when I throw away the 17 empty coffee cups in my car while I get gas after driving with my gas light on for a few days. It’s like… wow I really got this

[Charlie James @malecowgirl]

i would like to take part in a scheme. not a pyramid one, just a lil heist or something

[Paul Blart @swagmastarpaul]

Your honor I was just being a silly little goose

[trash jones @jzux]

me, age 22 (hopeful): anything can happen!

me now (horrified): anything can happen

[cella 🤌 @mikeVcella]

the CDC says it's not omicron unless it comes from the Omicrônne region of France, otherwise it's just sparkling covid

[Childlike Empress @KATIEth3KITTY]

Been looking in my car for my motivation for the last 25 minutes - so far I’ve only located the seat warmers

[alyssa shae @lyssashae_]

@BrookeBerra Reads like the next movie in the Transformer series

[Matt Bellassai @MattBellassai]

the head of broccoli that’s been in the back of my fridge for six months

[alyssa shae @lyssashae_]

Because I’m broke, Credit Karma

[Dudes Posting Their W’s @DudespostingWs]

Man received a nice letter from the person who purchased his VHS player

[Casey Feigh @caseyfeigh]

My niece turned 3 today!! She asked for a Lion King cake but specifically the moment where Mufasa dies, because “everyone will be too sad to eat the cake and it will be all for me.”

[Elon Musk @elonmusk]

Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology

[alyssa shae @lyssashae_]

@delia_cai “Now, slowly bend down into a forward fold, resting your hands near your sleeping dog’s face”