>be Bryan Johnson
>decide death is optional if you throw enough money at it
>two million dollars a year, thirty doctors on call
>eat 1,977 calories of beige vegan paste a day, the one diet humans were never built to run on
>pick it, of all things, as your route to living forever
>chase every meal with a hundred-plus supplements to plug the holes the paste leaves
>hide from the sun under a hat and a UV umbrella, caked in mineral sunscreen
>the star that grew every living thing on earth, dodged like a mugger
>treat red meat like it's radioactive
>iron sits on the floor for years, however many pills you throw down
>"I may have the best biomarkers ever recorded"
>thirty doctors, and not one can say why the iron won't hold
>finally biopsy the stomach
>your own immune system has been turning on it for years
>autoimmune gastritis, the exact tissue that pulls in iron and B12, breaking itself down
>go on X to announce "my stomach is eating itself"
>the nutrients you can no longer hold are the ones a plate of red meat gives away for free
>mfw you dodged the sun, refused the meat, lived on pills, and your body still chose to eat itself
@zadokism@chrisbrunet Damn that’s crazy bro. Your knees will bow before Him and your tongue will confess that He is King. Then you go to hell. Try explaining neo-satire to the other ashkenazi gypsies there 😇