mad

ding dong the witch is dead. literally thank god

[mad @madsbenefield]

@igotabab_anna @feralcarol_ You have a boyfriend?

[pj @pjayevans]

Hey man I saw your ig story about how you’re having a good time and enjoying life. I was hoping you could delete it

[Sam Karlin @samkarlin]

Here's the account from a New Orleans doctor, who was told by her hospital's lawyer she couldn't perform a D&E on a 16-weeks-pregnant woman whose water broke. Instead, she went through a "painful, hours-long labor to deliver a nonviable fetus, despite her wishes"

[Michael's Cat @michaelscat2]

The First ever photo of Cat in history 1880 !!

[mad @madsbenefield]

@ChickfilA 10:30am is an insane time to stop serving breakfast. Nobody wants lunch at 10:30. Please make it 11

[James @CaucasianJames]

gas prices are high but guess how much it costs to refuel these 2 puppies? a good night sleep and a cup of joe! let’s get walkin!!

[jackson dickert @JacksonDAuthor]

Non-violent art heists should be legal and considered high stakes capture the flag for adults

[metaphor man @shitbiscuit]

The girls at hooters should dress up as owls

[Dayne Young @dayneyoung]

Kelee Ringo’s pick six: Titanic edition 🚢 6️⃣

[mud @mudevol]

Morning

[birdy @_birdcalls]

[u get brutally murdered and the killer is never found]

somebody 30 years later watching a documentary about it: [turning it off] this is fucking boring

[Laura Spoonie 🦋🌻 @LauraSpoonie]

Please congratulate me on my new position! It is the fetal position, I will be in it for awhile.

[mad @madsbenefield]

@WillyFresh18 I’m getting you this for your bday

[Georgia Football @GeorgiaFootball]

10K retweets and we’ll make this our profile picture @BlooperBraves

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

don’t ever say to me “trick or treat.” never come to my house and give me an ultimatum, i don’t care if you’re seven years old

[mad @madsbenefield]

It’s not even close

[mariana @pastapilled]

me

[Shelf @shelfcomedy]

me: god, why must you give me your hardest battles

god: i don't. you are my weakest soldier and these battles are so easy. it's an email why are you crying