Marilynn

I'm unique... just like everyone else.

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

I always laugh when I see a bird in a bad neighborhood. It’s like bro, you don’t have to be here.

[erica @ericanextdooor]

getting dipped in caramel must feel so good for an apple

[Kate Melvin @RealKateMelvin]

I just found out my husband thought White Claws were energy drinks and he's been drinking one on the way to work every day.

[Marilynn @Marilynn]

How does a mermaid stay upright on land?

[Bö Jänke: Hönkÿ @Bob_Janke]

I like to scan my backyard every hour with a high power flashlight to let my neighbors know I won't tolerate any weirdness around here

[𝑴𝒐 𝑴𝒐𝒉𝒍𝒆𝒓 @MoMohler]

Imagine being in one tv episode and for the next forty years you’re known only as the Soup Nazi.

[sixfootcandy @sixfootcandy]

Nothing is hungrier than a Roomba that sees a charger cord.

[Marilynn @Marilynn]

When Muppets have sex, do their strings get in the way?

[Marilynn @Marilynn]

It’s so disturbing that the stray mention of a urinal cake has me imagining the taste of one

[Marilynn @Marilynn]

Lying in bed awake a few days before the election, wondering if animals feel contempt.

[Her Tall Boots @fuzzlime]

no one tells you the older you get the more you look out your house windows

[Not Today Eric @NotTodayEric]

Everyone’s a badass until there’s a bug on them.

[Keith Edwards @keithedwards]

Kamala should win for all of the reasons we've been talking about but also because I want to see Doug decorate the White House for Christmas

[Vanessa @Nessakins_]

I just don’t understand who is keeping Burger King in business.

[Marilynn @Marilynn]

My grandfather once declared to me that he didn’t like Frank Sinatra

[wint @dril]

so long suckers! i rev up my motorcylce and create a huge cloud of smoke. when the cloud dissipates im lying completely dead on the pavement

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

Why do they interview athletes
What else needs to be said

[boe @bigsquishyfrog]

interrupting my therapist mid sentence with a perfect Mario coin sound from my mouth

[Just Serena @kidnapped_jesus]

I think a Muppet should host the presidential debates

[inspector ratchet @_hood_mona_lisa]

Why are there so many spiderman movies
What else is there to explain