Mathew Parrott

Magician that creates a wide range of ideas.

[Tez @tezilyas]

#UKRiots

[Liam Bennett @ljkbennett]

Wow, that was a wild few minutes where the actual President of the USA was following me on Twitter and even sent me a message. Shame it ended so badly 😭

[Elisabeth Ryan JD MPH @EJAllstonEsq]

The people angrily denouncing Rage Against the Machine for Tom Morello's leftist politics is one of the more hilarious things I have ever seen on the internet. WHAT MACHINE DID YOU THINK THEY HAVE BEEN RAGING AGAINST FOR DECADES? THE ICE CREAM MACHINE? THE ATM? LAWNMOWERS?

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

It's as if Trump does not want another term.

[iancanwrite @iancanwrite]

If I mysteriously disappear, this will be why

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

Every once in awhile someone takes a good photo of me.

[Evan James @evanjmez]

The “war on drugs” was intentionally created to incarcerate black people en masse.

An educational thread:

[Mark Gatiss 💙 @Markgatiss]

You do...um...know the story of Icarus?

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

@ViolentMoth @JontiSparrow I know, I get that

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

Why does IGTV have static at the beginning of every video? As if anyone under the age of 23 remembers static on televisions?

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

@JontiSparrow @ViolentMoth I mean I was going to point out how the save icon was developed at a time floppy disks were prevalent, whereas TVs with static were not prevalent when IGTV was created. But as you can see that's long winded and boring.

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

This is full on super-villain shit right here. My bet is on @elonmusk

[katie spalding @supermathskid]

Why do we always call it 'escaping' from a kidnapper, but 'nipping out' for a pint of milk?

We never hear 'escaping' for a pint of milk or 'nipping out' from a kidnapper.

Surely some consistency is needed?

[KFC UK @KFC_UKI]

@Conservatives This is KFC not LBC don’t @ me.

[cyriak harris @cyriakharris]

Sleepwalking into disaster

[Mathew Parrott @mat_parrott]

When I was in primary school I once got detention for being "too lazy to learn colours". Yeah, turns out I'm colour blind.

[Shade 5 🎬 @Shader70]

Me: So...which hole should I put it in?

Her: Just. Go.

Me: Rimmed that hole again.

Her: Please. Stop.

Me: Hold my putter?

Her:

~ what it’s like playing me in mini golf

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

If cauliflower can be pizza and zucchini can be noodles then you too can be anything you want.

[𝓶♡ @Love_bug1016]

You deserve someone who chooses you always. And all ways. When nothing seems okay and everything hurts. Someone who can bring you back from the hell in your mind by simply making you laugh.