Max Haarhaus

I sometimes do things. But not too often.

[Max Haarhaus @maxhaarhaus]

Interviewer: it says here your interests include connecting people

Me: correcting people, actually

I: no it's-

Me: i know what it says

[Max Haarhaus @maxhaarhaus]

I know an obvious trap when I see one

[Asia @AsiaDNYC]

I forgot to pick up a 10mg gummy I dropped on the ground in my backyard last night and this morning it was covered in ants and I just can’t even imagine the day those little guys are about to have

[cinnamon bun @notsofiacoppola]

the bitch in question

[jame @kloogans]

idk why everybody is freaking out. just tell it to smoke some weed

[You Know Who @MuskTillDawn]

Pusha T: Eatin princess pussy, call that taco belle
Have her screamin’ “Yo Quiero!” in a fine hotel
Got your bitch in heaven, I’m the king of hell
Tell her I’m runnin out for breakfast, but it’s a fond farewell

Heeeeuuuggghh

JAY-Z (completely off beat): Pancakes for every meal!

[Michael Harriot @michaelharriot]

I can’t answer this question for Bill Maher but YOU CAN

A thread.

[richard @richard_normal]

me (no beers): i will never read from the human skin bound book of the dead. i will not chant it’s dark messages.

me (four beers, smiling): hell, lemme see that book of the dead, brother. what’s one rune reading among friends?

[Keifer @DannyVegito]

if you came out as trans to most Dragon Ball characters, they’d say something like “Transformation is a technique that only the strongest warriors can achieve. You must be getting stronger every day.” and then they’d give you a thumbs up

[wint @dril]

now that i have the baneful blue mark, I undertand the pain ive wrought. i was wrong to torment dog coin guys. im jealous of their million's

[Brent Black @brentalfloss]

the new york sewer rats have finally elected a new rat pope

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

Whether it’s AOC believing that the US should have single-payer health care or MTG believing that Hillary Clinton killed a kid, skinned the kid, and wore the kid’s skin as a face mask, charismatic women on both sides of the aisle have espoused controversial opinions.

[translated cats @TranslatedCats]

The most beautiful perfect cat jump I've ever seen

[Mikey Reid @themikeyreid]

I should be allowed to live in here like Oscar the grouch