Melissa Marie

Bartender. Grammar geek. Raging Centrist. Fan of literature and ridiculous nonsense. God is good.

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

Stop forming your opinions from hysterics on Twitter.

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

Thirsty boys: Mmm what are you up to baby, are you alone?

Me: *crumbs falling from mouth* Fuck yeah I am, I'm in my car in the Target parking lot eating a whole package of brownie bites, bitch.

#truestory

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

My husband does the exact. Same. Thing. https://t.co/TtnAT2x3k9

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

2 lil aliens holding hands https://t.co/L3DNH8dzef

[what do you see? ✨ @tinydotblot]

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[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

This constant anxiety is getting really old.

[Alex @couch_goblin]

[sun sets and darkness shrouds my apartment] ah, my nutrients

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

@stickycheex I tried to bribe Jordan to take them down for me tonight, but I only had $11 to offer and that apparently wasn't enough

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

Had a dream last night that I offered @BettyMWhite $20 to take down all my Christmas decorations. She politely declined.

[sloane @skipper]

WHY DID THEY DELETE THIS SCENE?!? 😂

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

@YMimmo I feel better! I had my period, think it was the hormonies.

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

Me: Pick a movie.
Husband: I don't want to, you pick.
Me: Okay, Pan's Labyrinth.
Husb: No, I don't want to watch that.
Me:

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

There is PAGES of this on my Twitter feed WTF does that mean??? Dec 31,1969??

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

I. Am. SO. Depressed.

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

@carlieskeenz https://t.co/JEPUxDFrHQ

[Schadenfreudelish @aggierican]

Molly's Irish Grille's Tide Pod Shot.

I ❤️ this to the twelfth order of magnitude.

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

@SouthernKeeks People who told me to abort: Doctors, nurses, half my family, all my friends
People who told me to put her up for adoption: the other half of my family, my boss
Proving everyone wrong and receiving the greatest blessing of my life: Priceless.

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

@SouthernKeeks People who told me to abort: Doctors, nurses, half my family, all my friends
People who told me to put her up for adoption: the other half of my family, my boss
Proving everyone wrong and receiving the greatest blessing of my life: Priceless.

[Bill M. @Bill_Meimaridis]

@KyloR3n

[Melissa Marie @mellysox]

@shoe0nhead Copious amounts of junk food and snuggletime.