Charles Lake

He’s a young 54

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

There’s a 100% chance that your serious reply was directed at a parody tweet.

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

Pizza so bad it needs dipping sauce.

@absrdNEWS

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

I had a dream last night that I was not only murdered, but assassinated. Another totally unnecessary ego boost.

[Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit]

My wish for the new year is that people stop sending me clips of other comedians, telling me how funny they are. I don’t send you videos of other plumbers or accountants. “Look how well they plumb and account for things.”

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

Prince Harry has revealed why it’s so hard to find reliable employees

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

The new cat is loud, heavy, and fast. He's like the cutest chariot race.

[Doug Ankerman @myoddsock]

Seasonal Bible verse:
"Returns & exchanges will only be granted with proper receipt."
-Kohl's 2:13-7

@absrdNEWS @NSFW_news

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

My time on Twitter has taught me how to change a tire, where babies come from and that I should eat something called kale. Just took a few CEO’s to get there.

[Stap the Mattness @Stap_Jr]

Wearing one of those ridiculously tall chef hats while I serve my dog his breakfast entrée of free range, grass fed, locally sourced chicken breast with a pumpkin reduction.

[Chincha @chincha33]

Doesn't EVERYone high-five their dog after it goes poop?

[Bob Phillips @BobTheSuit]

People who think Elon Musk will let Twitter die don’t understand $44 billion deals. #Twittershutdown

[John Lyon @JohnLyonTweets]

Be nice to people on your way up so they won’t get suspicious when you’re rich and you invite them to your island to hunt them for sport.

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

Twitter engineers quit after discovering they make more than people with real jobs.

@absrdNEWS

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

TV interview: Can everyone please speak at the same time?

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

Are Pickle-ball jokes the pumpkin spice jokes of the tennis world?

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

According to the BBC and PBS, the clergy of the past solved a lot of crimes.

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

And then one day your emergency workaround became the official procedure. You’d never been the answer to a prayer before.

[Charles Lake @mesealake]

If I were to profile, this arguing couple at Home Depot has no intention of returning their cart to the cart corral.