Melissa Carlson

Just call me Mow Down Mel. The coolest bitch alive.

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Per @87chadillac I am tweeting "something" with #ChadRules so he can see something.

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

@megpam I wanna watch Harry!!!

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

@megpam "gotta make a change for once in my life" #snap I just love Michael.

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

That awkward moment when your boyfriend takes a photo of you... And his creepo stalker face is in the… http://t.co/wKRBJwTYrY

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

I have 100 unread emails at work for today. At least half are marked Urgent. I choose to just ignore them. #FridayThe13th #blamesatan

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

“@OMGFacts: In 1998, a Georgia student was suspended for wearing a Pepsi shirt Coke Day.” @jayjay2101 you'd be screwed....

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

I asked them if they missed their Uncle Matty. The spent the next 15 minutes staring out the window… http://t.co/OOWeDcuLSv

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

I think they missed me today. I am happy for their cuddles. Just wish their daddy was home.… http://t.co/FUYGdYo9Tl

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

That even worse moment when you get up close and realize said skirt is gold sparkly skin tight spandex. #sheneedamirror #tooearlytoseethat

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

That awkward moment when your skirt is the sale color as your skin and everyone thinks you ain't got no pants on. #nobodygottimeforthatshit

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

@jayjay2101 @LissFr he definitely saved his ass on that one. #allbasescovered

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

@jayjay2101 ..... You're an ass. Blasting my shit... Literally... On twitter & yet you still didn't bring ice cream home. #asshat

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Being a homeowner now means my Amazon cart is full of bug zappers & my convos are about the coons in my attic. #welcometoadulthood

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Shittiest part. Shelia is beating me. I need a drink. And french fries. Maybe a chocolate donut.

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Brain bleed huh?? Maybe you should not be bowling. Oh... And she is high as a kite. #bangheadwithbowlingpins 😵😵🎳🎳

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Shelia wasted no time in giving her granddaughter pleasantries. She dove straight into how her brain is currently bleeding.

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Danny = Father Shelia = Fathers Crazy Mother

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Bowling Night. Seems normal. Until you add in the contestants. Matty which is ok. But Danny AND Shelia. Lordy. Lordy. Help me.

[Melissa Carlson @messheuser]

Fuzzy Handcuff shopping @ Blue Boutique w/ my Goody Mormon bestie. Sounds like a good lunch break to me.