MM

♓️♎️♉️

[The Drunk Jake @TheDrunkJake]

if AI ever takes over i hope this little guy is the leader

[GL @gldivittorio]

You're laughing. Barron won't even be allowed to visit his dad in prison because they're going to think he's three kids in a trench coat and you're laughing

[cory @coolmathgame_]

interviewer: what do u bring to the table

me: potato salad if it’s like a family thing

interviewer: i meant to work

me: [clearing my throat] i would bring regular potatoes. none of that funny business

[chase @_chase_____]

obsessed with working in a coworking space. i just walked past a meeting room where 5 guys were standing around a white board that just had the word “money” written on it. like BUSINESS is happening here. these are DISRUPTERS

[meg “Yooper” bitchell @MeganBitchell]

Apple Maps loves to send you to a Starbucks inside a pediatric hospital

[MM @mgillilandd]

I am 2 episodes into Sex/Life and I swear to god if Billie breaks Majid’s heart I will set something on fire

[Stuart Feiner @StuartFeiner]

I strive to live in a world that a Bagel is not a carb.

[trash jones @jzux]

oh you’re in love? that’s cool i’m in debt

[MM @mgillilandd]

What someone gets on their egg sandwich says everything you need to know about them as a person

[Moonsoulchild @bymoonsoulchild]

You won’t always get that apology…

[KFC Radio @KFCradio]

het einde

[charlie @chunkbardey]

so scary when someone’s coming over and they’re like “here!” it’s like omg my life is about to change …

[Sigurd the Mighty @MightySigurd]

I am so tired of living like it's the 1600s. Can I afford eggs at the market? Are my friends gonna die in the plague? Puritans coming for my sinful lifestyle. I want some modern problems. Modern Problems

[Washington State Dept. of Natural Resources @waDNR]

We're hiring influencers and by that I mean firefighters who influence the forest to no longer be on fire.

[slim shit @itsjuliannaaa]

pink kinda girl. all black kinda girl.. depend on how i’m feeling

[trash jones @jzux]

soup gets a lot of credit but i nominate toast as the ultimate simple comfort food