Melissa

Heard you wouldn't

[A. Wake @S_Mart_Employee]

Imagine being ripped out of your comfortable life by a higher being and getting exposed to the glory of the cosmos and then immediately getting put back

[Arby’s Provocateur @SamGrittner]

Halloween is coming up and I still have no idea what I'm going to be for the rest of my life.

[michaela okland @MichaelaOkla]

Missed the ice cream truck today because I was too proud to run. And for what. What honor did that bring me

[Ron Iver @ronnui_]

I would never drive a manual transmission car. It is simply not for me to decide what gear a car should be in, it is none of my business.

[nesrin danan @blackprints]

sometimes i feel like my life is being written by someone who isn’t sure if they like me or not

[Zach Raffio @zachraffio]

The weather is nice again so allow me to reiterate

[michael @FilledwithUrine]

i feel like this

[Andrews Steel @asteel2]

I’m having a destination funeral

[Roob @roob_drummer]

snowing hard this morning. Bus driver slid through a red light. Only thing he said was “we slidin” i cant stop thinking about this

[jon drake @DrakeGatsby]

Vacations aren’t about making memories or having new experiences. Vacations are about having 11-15 beers a day in a city where nobody knows you

[ashley fairbanks @ziibiing]

The weirdest example of toxic masculinity is the fact that the boat industry is the largest consumer of glitter in the world, but tries desperately to keep it a secret.

[steph @steph_mcca]

once u get me on voice memo i’ll sort of just say anything there

[ppigg @s4m31p4n]

First date idea you make every decision for me for the rest of my life

[Charlie James @malecowgirl]

i want to get really good at skateboarding but i don’t want anyone to see me practice even one time

[Kylie Brakeman @deadeyebrakeman]

Give me the vogue 73 questions with Donald Trump as the FBI is raiding

[erika (business bitch) @shrugemoji]

this is the energy im trying to match

[trash jones @jzux]

“we will adopt your baby”