Marcela Licon

[Kattoo King @SimplyKattoo]

The alcohol in a martini should be enough to kill the parasite in my ceasar salad, and then I'll pair it with fries, which are safe

[miia @miiagarro]

having pets is so cool bc they watch u crash out and are super chill about it

[Jurassic World @JurassicWorld]

Rest in peace, Sam Neill. Thank you for bringing Dr. Grant to life.

[I’m NotDevinsMom Moron @NotDevinsMom]

Lindsey Graham pronouns are now was/were.

[Politi_Rican 🇵🇷 𝕏 🇺🇸 @TheRicanMemes]

🤣🤣🤣

[Sam Sacks @SamSacks]

Say what you want about how awful this website is, but it remains the best place to be when a shit bag dies.

[Subi-doo 🐸 @suzamaroo]

Lindsey Graham when he arrived in hell and saw Mitch McConnell…

[julia @eathedocument]

at the end of the day we get to continue being mexican and they still have to be english. we will always emerge as the victors.

[tweets, but heroic @thethirtysixco]

they’re calling it the greatest evolutionary chart of all time

[Collins🦋 @collinstimbela_]

For pride month you can't say "let me get this straight...", you have to say "just so we're queer..."

[. @deityofnightt]

l've never seen anything more accurate

[Milfski @Nilkski_]

I’ve never seen a family in a cybertruck. Just an ugly dude by himself.

[Ous'B 💚 @BongsMahlangu_]

Y’all be asking childless women what they’re gonna do when they get older, meanwhile nursing homes are full of people with children 😭

[Anjana🌤️ @anjecture]

cardinal rule of life : never hookup where you vlookup

[𐌁𐌉Ᏽ 𐌕𐌉𐌌𐌉 @OrevaZSN]

I don’t need Office Copilot, I need Excel to stop insisting everything is a date.

[katyakay @katyakayy]

starting to run in your 30’s is a great way to meet new people. today i met two paramedics, one nurse and almost God.

[sexczema @dialectits]

good morning i love new york city

[Bob Golen @BobGolen]

A lion would never drive under the influence, but a Tiger Wood.

[♧ @Carter__boy_]

Concerts are where you realise how beautiful it is to be alive in this world.