Molly

Just a girl who loves food and wine

[Molly @mollypf_]

If you’re thinking of texting your ex on Valentines Day send them this poem I wrote. Roses are red, violets are blue, no ones a bigger piece of shit than you. Happy Valentines Day

[Molly @mollypf_]

I need the whole country to get on my bandwagon and start referring to Donald exclusively as the original host of The Apprentice

[ms pippershnippetz @lolumOKUR]

we need a disney princess who is a piece of shit

[Molly @mollypf_]

@natecomedy Can I come ring shopping? We all know it’s not happening soon for me and I want to try rings on

[Molly @mollypf_]

Nothing is more embarrassing than your roommate walking out of her room in the middle of the night only to find you on the couch, elbow deep in a bowl of popcorn

[EMOTION @ULTRASLUT]

OLIVE GARDEN IS OUT HERE REVOKING PASTA PASSES

[Hannah Berner @beingbernz]

#hilaria #barthelonaherewecome

[Molly @mollypf_]

Is the original host of The Apprentice still grounded from social media?

[Molly @mollypf_]

You guys should look into the original host of The Apprentice

[FBI @FBI]

The FBI is seeking to identify individuals instigating violence in Washington, D.C. We are accepting tips and digital media depicting rioting or violence in and around the U.S. Capitol on January 6. If you have information, visit https://t.co/buMd8vYXzH.

[Alexis Johnson @alexisjreports]

I feel like we are downplaying the “a couple of bombs found” part of the day idk

[Molly @mollypf_]

I need to know what all these people who stormed the Capitol put as the reason on their PTO requests

[Molly @mollypf_]

This coupon still good?

[Donald J. Trump @realDonaldTrump]

I have authorized the Federal Government to arrest anyone who vandalizes or destroys any monument, statue or other such Federal property in the U.S. with up to 10 years in prison, per the Veteran’s Memorial Preservation Act, or such other laws that may be pertinent.....

[Molly @mollypf_]

@natecomedy The devil works hard but Kris Jenner works harder

[Molly @mollypf_]

When Donald Trump realized his Twitter is locked

[Molly @mollypf_]

When your girl says she’s staying in but you see her at the movie theater with the guy she told you not to worry about

[Molly @mollypf_]

When your parents say “you’re special, we love you” and you realize they’re talking to the dog

[Molly @mollypf_]

I need to talk about the couple who started dating at the beginning of quarantine and are now engaged. I’ve had pretzel crisps in my cabinet longer than their relationships. That’s all.

[Molly @mollypf_]

Do you want to know what blows my mind? That I can find my ear hole, get the earring in, and the tiny backing on without even looking but 93% of man can’t find the clitoris. That’s all.