Mrs. Campfire

dummy thicc Pixar mom

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

Cashier wouldn’t sell me wine bc I didn’t have my ID. I’m like “I promise I’m 30. Would a 20-year old be buying $200 of groceries? Would a 20-year old be buying sugar-free cranberry juice? No. 20-year olds have pristine urinary tracts. Give me my wine”

[Xennaissance Dad @XennDad]

My kids started saying "nana nana boo boo," so I'm guessing my house is haunted by a 100 year old ghost child?

[Sam @mastrap84]

Take a bath with your wife in candlelight before you watch Monday Night Football, idiots.

[Daveastated @Daveastated]

Saw a documentary about the main benefit of having strong hands. It was gripping.

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

Low-key the dad from cocomelon can get it

[McErin☘️ @colleen_eileen]

Today I was called a pumpkin slut after expressing my love for autumn and honestly it's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

@jakery I am honored

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

My desire to tear down the bones of capitalism is constantly at odds with my dream of being an eccentric billionaire

[Helleanor Rigby @Mom_Overboard]

I'm very smart while also being hot and funny and humble I don't think you understand the pressure I'm under

[Professional Worrier @pro_worrier_]

I hit skip intro on cocomelon while baby sitting my 1yo niece

Thoughts and prayers during this difficult time please

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

I had my shit together this morning and then he puked all over both of us on our way out the door. He is no longer wearing socks.

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

If you want to know if I have my shit together, look at my son’s feet. If he’s wearing socks, I have my shit together. If not, my shit is all over the place.

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

@emily_murnane @goddammitsarah The extroverted introvert’s manifesto

[Emily Murnane @emily_murnane]

I want to be successful and busy and have a flourishing social life but I also want to do nothing and see no one ever, does that make sense?

[Mrs. Campfire @mrs_campfire]

I don’t do hot girl summer. I do pop another excedrin because it’s too hot, are you crazy I can’t go out in this heat I will die summer.

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

My Mom just turned to my dog and confessed that she loves her more than my Dad

[McErin☘️ @colleen_eileen]

My mcm is and always will be the Sleepytime Tea Bear

[Daisy @Daisyldoo]

Moms exist so when dads say they will take care of the kids we can walk in and give a disapproving sigh on the whole situation.

[The Hetal @theHetal]

Who got drunk tonight?

[McErin☘️ @colleen_eileen]

Short legs, big butt. Just realized I'm a corgi. Love that journey for me.