Tim Long

Simpsons Writer/ Man of Peace

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

CONVERSATION I JUST HAD:

ME: Two Thin Mints please

GIRL SCOUT: That’ll be $10. Or you can get four boxes for $20!

ME (gentle): Um, that’s not a savings

GIRL SCOUT (NOT gentle): NO ONE SAID IT WAS

...

ME: Four boxes would be great.

[NYTPitchbot @DougJBalloon]

I’m Kid Rock.”
“I’m Naomi Wolf.”
“I’m Kanye West.”
“I’m Matt Taibbi.”
“I’m Catturd. Those stories, plus Rob Schneider, tonight on 60 Minutes.”

[Turnbull @cturnbull1968]

Ken Paxton’s, most recent, mistress is married, with 7 children.

What else you got, Slick.

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

@mschlapp Oh thank God, I was waiting for your highly informed expert opinion, fuckwad

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

THIS JUST IN: Pedophile carries water for pedophile

[Howard Lutnick @howardlutnick]

President Trump’s America First trade agenda is focused on driving down imports and surging exports. In just one year, we’ve delivered on both. Foreign contracts supported by the U.S. Department of Commerce alone surged to $244 billion last year. We’re just getting started.
https://t.co/sTgu2GmszP

[Sabrina Carpenter @SabrinaAnnLynn]

@WhiteHouse this video is evil and disgusting. Do not ever involve me or my music to benefit your inhumane agenda.

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

All my co-workers know I'm a Blue Jays fan, and today they're treating me like my whole family died. So I just want to reassure everyone — this is much, much worse than that.

[Pablo Manríquez @PabloReports]

SOUTHSIDE CHICAGO — Windy City residents run off immigration agents to save a man mid-abduction at 63rd and Kostner Ave.

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

https://t.co/mO46iHxBUK

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

@WeAreSinclair BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

@WhiteHouse All lies. Go fuck yourselves, all of you.

[Aaron Rupar @atrupar]

That was one of the most batshit press conferences of Trump's public life. He brandished a photo of Putin and promised to deploy the US military to occupy Chicago, New York, and San Francisco. A sane country would be moving toward impeachment and removal right now.

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

@MarcNixon24 Are you kidding? It's not like people were still voting. Also, is there any doubt that if the roles were reversed, Pollievre would do the same?

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

@ron_halliday @CanadianPolling Huh. But in the link you attached, the Conservatives are listed as merely "leading" in two of their ridings, which implies they could flip.

[Roman Sheremeta 🇺🇸🇺🇦 @rshereme]

This brilliant cartoon clearly explains what happened in the Oval Office and Trump’s secret conversation with Putin. It’s in Ukrainian with English subtitles. Share it with anyone who keeps repeating russian propaganda.

[Rep. Eric Swalwell @RepSwalwell]

A man who’d release 1,600 of his most violent supporters will most certainly jail 1,600 of his most vocal enemies. It’s coming. This will be Patel’s mission. Does the senate care?

[620 WTMJ @620wtmj]

"Shame on you...and shame on us if we allow this to go on."

Steve Scaffidi called out CBS 58 today regarding the unjust firing of meteorologist Sam Kuffel for criticizing Elon Musk's salute.

Hear more from the Political Power Hour: https://t.co/t76F1iQBTy

[Isaac Rowlett @IsaacRowlett]

shame on @CBS58 for firing Sam Kuffel for naming @elonmusk’s Nazi salute

shame on @DanODonnellShow for mobilizing trolls to harass her & call for her job

this dark chapter of our country’s history will eventually be over and we’ll all remember who showed integrity & who didn’t

[Tim Long @mrtimlong]

@bains_babe Totally for you!