Tucker Millett

Chicago comedian, writer, producer.
Tweeting when I damn pleeze

[cta @cta]

As a reminder, please keep ludicrously capacious bags on your lap or between your feet on buses and trains to avoid blocking aisles. Thank you.

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

@briebriejoy Oh my God. Get him on bad faith and tear him a new ahole

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

🙏🙏🙏

[Ken Klippenstein @kenklippenstein]

Ken Klippenstein ain’t going away

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

@KyleKulinski Squid Games but in real life

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

Dogs beg. Cats demand.

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

Pretty sure the person who runs @SpiritAirlines Twitter account is either a bot or a dude just copy-and-pasting the same bullshit response to everyone's complaints.

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

@MaioccoNBCS Rashawn Gary having the time of his damn life

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

@Eric_Branch Defense putting the team on their back

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

@IwriteOK Ulysses S Grant was pulled over for drunk driving a horse carriage if I remember my American History right

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

New conspiracy theory: Starbucks coffee gets cold fast so that you have to throw out half your cup and buy another one

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

A woman on the train was wearing an Anthony Bourdain sweatshirt, and I had to do a triple take bc I really thought it was Jeff Epstein

[United Farm Workers @UFWupdates]

if you’re worried about shoplifting, wait til you hear about wage theft

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

@jamieloftusHELP As a furniture salesman, I can tell a lot of people in these replies have only ever experienced shit polyester faux-leathers or shit bonded leather. Natural leather sofas are some of the finest shit on Earth. I feel sorry for all of you :(

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

Lmao

[Sheera Frenkel @sheeraf]

Was just on phone with someone who works for FB who described employees unable to enter buildings this morning to begin to evaluate extent of outage because their badges weren’t working to access doors.

[Mehdi Hasan @mehdirhasan]

The fact that John Roberts allied with the 3 liberals, means it was a 5-4 decision. Which means Amy Coney Barrett was the crucial fifth vote. Which means RBG should have retired. Which means Stephen Breyer really really needs to retire right now.

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

I try to eat healthy and take vitamins, so that I have the capacity to take two long poops per 8 hr shift

[nana gots ta tweet @aprettypeach]

Did it hurt? When you have a structured settlement but you need cash now

[Tucker Millett @muckertillett]

🥰🥰🥰

[Jon Stewart @jonstewart]

It's Alive!!!!! @theproblem