Jeff Eshleman

Occasional smart mind. Occasional smart mouth.

[Jeff Eshleman @mutemusings]

@DustinNickerson I often poop just before leaving the house also

[sammy rhodes @sammyrhodes]

Kinda miss the days when The Shack was the most controversial topic in American Christianity

[greg @greg16676935420]

Banker: “Would you like to apply for the American Express platinum card?”

“No way”
-Jose

[hani @crucifynisis]

do i weird you out or have i weirded you in

[Jeff Eshleman @mutemusings]

@PitchingNinja Old split looks like it has a hump in it.. easy for batter to pick up maybe?

[Lloyd Legalist @LloydLegalist]

Cigarettes are like squirrels: they’re perfectly harmless until you put one in your mouth and light it on fire.

[Annie Agar @AnnieAgar]

i’m pretty sure vrabel already made a boutte call

[Amelia @amelia_tweetz]

Imagine if a woman president crashed the economy and started a war with no end in sight, and her biggest, seemingly ONLY concern was building a ballroom and redecorating the White House.

[The San Andreas Fault @sanandreafault]

Hi, it's me, I'm the reason

[Brigham's Burner @FiredUpCoug]

I did the math, and it turns out, DoorDash IS actually cheaper than making food at home!

A Chipotle steak burrito delivered by doordash is only $28.

To go and pick one up from the store, it costs over $60,000!

Because, you see, I have to buy a new car to go pick it up, which I won't ever use again.

[Damin Toell @damintoell]

“Let me be clear: this is not a golden calf” is a first-ballot hall of fame sentence

[Ryan M. Spaeder @theaceofspaeder]

Bobby Cox was ejected from one out every 158 games played by the #Braves—not during his tenure as manager, rather the franchise's entire history, dating back to April 22, 1876.

[Jordan D. Hill @JordanDavisHill]

Losing Ted Turner and Bobby Cox in the same week reminded me of this quote from when Turner fired Cox in 1981.

Luckily for Braves fans, the best was yet to come

[Christian Stegmaier @cstegmaier]

Assuming Ted Turner’s funeral will start at 7:05 pm.

[Jeff Eshleman @mutemusings]

@TigersData @JordanLeandre55 @Jake3Roy @enosarris thought you may be interested in this.

[Jeff Eshleman @mutemusings]

@squirmy6908 I agree because bacon is paying for flavor while sausage is flavor and substance. I need more substance in there.

[𝓓𝓸𝓬_𝔃𝓮𝓮 ✧ @doc_zee7]

Airlines sending me "we're in this together" emails. When my suitcase was 52 pounds I was on my own.

[Alice Mills @millsalice144]

I won't say they're pretentious, but they call their dog Phideaux.

[Ari Meirov @MySportsUpdate]

Wild story: A man in Kentucky laughed so hard at a botched Younghoe Koo FG last season that it triggered a seizure, sending him to the hospital, where doctors discovered a tennis-ball-sized brain tumor.

The tumor was removed and was deemed not cancerous. The man believes that missed kick saved his life.

Full story here: https://t.co/kcMZcj0K7j

[Jeremiah Johnson 🌐 @JeremiahDJohns]

I assume the NYTimes also thinks bypassing their paywall is just 'micro-looting', a brave anti-capitalist act of resistance, since they are a corporation that made hundreds of millions in profit last year