Amber Melissa

[CIA @CIA]

Yes, we are affected by #instagramdown, too. No, we didn’t cause it. No, we can’t fix yours. Did you try turning it off and back on again?

[rob from online 📱 @robfromonline]

mechanic: you used subpar fuel which corroded your injectors and intake manifold

me: uhh english bro

mechanic: low quality gas damaged your engine

me: dumb it down for me kemosabe

mechanic: bad go-go juice make your vroom vroom machine all fucky

me: oh no

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

Just keep swimming until the report comes out.

[John Lurie @lurie_john]

If you are a man who is upset about the Gillette commercial, you should smile more. You are so much prettier when you smile.

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

@dustincheong https://t.co/PZRJCWrNNJ

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

This will forever make me laugh..

[Donwill.substack.com @donwill]

the word lit was pronounced dead at 1:23 PM on June 27, 2018. the black community would simply like privacy during this time of mourning. https://t.co/U3SYS3XbCe

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

So neat when you set your alarm to pm instead of am.

[The Sporting News @sportingnews]

Drake wearing a Humboldt Broncos jersey on the Raptors' sideline. #HumboldtStrong

[The Ellen Show @TheEllenShow]

My heart breaks this morning for the entire Humboldt Broncos community. I am sending so much love to everyone affected.💔

[RJ Patter @rjpatter]

Derek Grayson and Nick bonding and healing in hospital

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

@KassandraLepack You babe!! 😍

[tocci @TAYLORTOCCI]

It’s a gun CONTROL, not a gun BAN. you can keep your pink glock with camo trim after passing multiple background checks and a mental health evaluation, so calm your country ass down Sydney https://t.co/KQXY8P5KI8

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

I thought taking milk thistle I’d stop blacking out.. Nope, that happens when you stop consuming excessive amounts of booze. #whoknew

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

Anddddd I just realized I might love pizza too much.. #butisitevenpossible #no #getitgotitGOOD

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

When you don’t care, but try to pretend that you do..

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

@ghostface403 Yasssss Elin!!! 💍.. just saying..

[Amber Melissa @muzzley]

What’s your biggest mess up? I tried to be a house wifey and went to empty the vacuum and glitter everywhere.