ηαldo

Bilingual if you count interpretative dance.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Something old, something new, something borrowed, someone you blew.

My wedding will be a blast.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Imagine Zuma going to see Rent and tries to recount Seasons of Love & can't pronounce Five hundred twenty-five thousand, six hundred minutes

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Flaky: bad quality in men, good quality in pies.

[Gráinne Maguire @GrainneMaguire]

Sad that there are more black people in Beyoncé right now, than in Trumps entire cabinet team.

[Just J @junejuly12]

Apparently "if you must draw your eyebrows on, please draw them evenly" was not the tip this waitress was expecting.

[Dr. Twittenheimer @DrTwittenheimer]

Babies will sleep through anything except darkness and silence.

[James @jannable9]

Kate who dumped me at junior school now wants me to like her interior decorating Facebook page.

How the tables have turned Kate.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Jewish people don't hang on to a lot of things.
Christmas decorations, ham, foreskins.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Articles on Pinterest: Make pen holders with your toilet rolls.
Yeah Barbara. You're all practical, but you forgot one thing. It looks shit.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Weather in Potchefstroom today: menopausal hot flashes with a chance of misery.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Just waiting for the protests for #CrecheFeesMustFall. Babies protesting. Throwing nappies. Shit everywhere.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

"A spoonful of sugar helps the medicine go down."

I'm taking medication for diabetes.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

South Africa's universities went from dream factories to abbatoirs of hope #FeesMustFall #dumbstudents

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

The #FeesMustFall movement is like the movie Mr & Mrs Smith. It got real violent real quick with a lot of burning buildings.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Pandora opened a box releasing horrors, but hope remained.

It's like Donald Trump and a tiny bit of Obama.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

The scientific name for man boobs is gynecomastia. You'll find it in the dictionary, and under my shirt.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

That beauty filter makes you look like Rupaul on season 1.

[Arena Flowers @ArenaFlowers]

The thing you have to take into consideration is two hundred years ago people would have been impressed by a phone that could catch fire.

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

It's not a well known fact but pirates were amazing at crafts, I mean look how carefully they burnt the edges of all their maps.

[ηαldo @naldoberholzer]

Watching a sensored version of Gordon Ramsay sounds like morse code where even the beeps spell out F U C K Y O U