CatherineLMK

Easily amused, not easily offended

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

Party invites should contain the following info:
1. Time
2. Place
3. If there will be a cheese platter and/or a chocolate fountain.

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

A large portion of my day consists of rushing frantically to places I don't really want to go to.

[🎭ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ🎭 @3sunzzz]

[traffic stop]

Officer: Ma'am, why didn't you pull over as soon as I flashed my lights?

Me: Oh, I can't see a thing without my glasses.

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

I once bought my dad a Big Mouth Billy Bass as a gift and still consider it the best holiday purchase of my life.

[Lurkin' Mom @LurkAtHomeMom]

If my scotch tape wasn't always missing, there would probably be no stopping me.

[Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins]

I just put my phone in my pocket like I'm not going to look at it again in 6 seconds

[Annie Hatfield @AnneHatfieldVO]

I never knew you could buy crow calls, but now that I do I hope all you guys like crow calls.

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

I got invited to a party that is potluck, ugly sweater, AND Secret Santa. It's the trifecta of holiday misery.

[Busted Flip Flops @GrillinChillin9]

Dear Commercials,

Quit making commercials that have a house doorbell ring. Thanks.

Regards,

Every single owner of a dog

[〰 Just Linda 〰 @LindaInDisguise]

I never feel more powerful than when my lane is the only one moving on the highway.

But, alas, the interstate giveth, the interstate taketh away.

[Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins]

My brain: Just be cool. Just be cool. Just be cool.

Me: Nope

(Repeat daily)

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

My traditions are actually just repeated mistakes.

[misterbrymo @misterbrymo]

[burns mouth eating pizza]

ME: i never thought you'd be the one to ever hurt me.

[Witchy Woman @dreamthievin]

Welcome to your 30s. You have a favorite reusable shopping bag now.

[〰 Just Linda 〰 @LindaInDisguise]

Don’t forget - Saturday you get an extra hour to lie awake at night and overthink everything you’ve done wrong in your life.

[CatherineLMK @CatherineLMK]

Hope everybody on my gift list wanted discounted Halloween candy for Christmas!

[The Notorious B.E.V. 🌈 @blade_funner]

I scream, you scream, we all scream. The screaming continues.