Christian

23 || sag || he/him

[MR. JAY @JayMCFC_001]

Cop: "Do I smell marijuana in your car?"

​Me: "Oh, probably because I just ate a poppy seed bagel."

[j.b. exte @jbexte]

sometimes i worry that i only drink mexican beers to impress mexicans. then i take a sip of mexican beer and realize that the only mexican im trying to impress is the mexican deep inside myself. the inner mexican that all white boys have. gracias for reading

[t✩ @yourg0ldteeth]

i never fucked hall i never fucked oates

[miles @milesdotgov]

Anthony Bourdain: fuck, that’s yummy. That’s really fucking yummy in my tummy, man.

[hasanabi @hasanthehun]

just got off the phone with mitch mcconnell. we had phone sex.

[Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez @AOC]

WAKE TF UP

[olivia. @_owiviaah]

anal eyes analyze anal lies

[terry @tenthousund]

telling the mailman to stay the fuck away from my family

[𝒢𝒾𝓁𝒷ℯ𝓇𝓉 @AbakpaJob]

Me: i love you

Porn director: CUT what the fuck

[Old Man Rattle @oldrattle_]

i think siri wants my booty

[doxie @doxie_gay]

i just farted so loud the neighbors baby started crying

[Christian @neatochris]

white people when they die be like “goodbye, cruel world”

[blaxo @nbablaxo]

where is Damn Daniel? Is he safe? Is he Alright?

[soup🌱 @thrluv]

arachnophobia?? dawg who cares if 2 spiders get married it doesn't affect u

[UwUTangClan @Executivejeff1]

yeah I got my proof of citizenship right here

[Sofia Coppium @indianloonie]

Pitch for a Clifford reboot

Charles Grodin - Paul Rudd

Mary Steenburgen - Aubrey Plaza

Martin Short - Connor O'Malley and he's like an iPad kid now. He wants to go to Mr beast land

[Kevin Durant @KDTrey5]

Bubble guts woke me up out my sleep...I had to check my sheets for any slippage lol