hildred the feeble

he understands the moon to be a hole at the top of the sky through which he may escape

[mike @frecklefruit]

the idea of hooking up with me can send chills down the spine

[hildred the feeble @nelljuly]

i get road rage on the sidewalk

[April Clark @autogynefiles]

(on a first date) Can we please just try to have a good night

[koby woby @sheikahtribe]

im gonna hit this pen and teller how I really feel

[👩‍💻 @weirdassfishes]

I’m Addison Rae’s right hand arm. Man. I’m Addison rae….everything. I’m her confidante. Her best friend. Her silly rabbit

[hildred the feeble @nelljuly]

@PEZOLCFTD Your thoughts ?kinda like a palm reading

[Ⓜ️ert @mertcentury]

Women when their 20 bedside cans get knocked over: my cans!

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

They should just put kids in jail during the summer

[hildred the feeble @nelljuly]

@pubcalledheaven i am screaming

[Hello @VeinRichard]

I come from old monkey

[thanatos @PEZOLCFTD]

THERE’S ABOUT 15-20 CHILDREN WHO ARE GOING TO GROW UP AND HAVE FOND MEMORIES OF ME AS THEIR BABYSITTER. I GUESS THAT’S FUN.

[hildred the feeble @nelljuly]

im so so so sad i just keep going through everything i miss her so much i just want to text her and i do but i know she wont reply

[hildred the feeble @nelljuly]

i love you forever ash. i will miss you so much
🎆🎇🧨💖❤️‍🔥

[paige @BonerWizard]

Dave Chappelle (suddenly getting serious 50 minutes into a special): In 1869, Beth March, the third littlest woman of the Little Women, my friend, died. She fucking died.

[Mark @AgingRanchHand]

Seeing a lady's list of biggest turn offs and it's so specific to me that it includes my exact birthday and blood type

[faget83629031852 @faget9261530128]

bartender gave me a fruit roll up and a coloring book

[audrey 🔜 right behind you @iTrollWomen]

don't even bother coming over for playtime if you don't know the five characteristics it must have bro

[Thomas White @len0killer]

Anthony Bourdain as a fly: Life is short. Leave some fruit on the counter. Open the windows, let the flies in. Open the doors, let flies into the rooms. Let flies in through doors and windows.

[Chuck Francis @cfisonline]

planned parenthood if you guys pay me in sandwiches i’ll stand outside any of your locations and assault pro lifers