Norris Garman

The question is, will it blend?

[Norris Garman @norrisgarman]

How is it possible that the most #woke #Oscars of all time put me to sleep. Yawn if you agree.

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

I think that ever since the #metoo movement the #Democrats haven’t been able to fuck as many interns as they used to... so now they’re doing it to the country.

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

#AmyConeyBarrett was asked to explain what it means to be a textualist. She said it means to accept the meaning of the plain text. When asked for an example she replied: “Senator Durbin... your first name is Dick... correct? I rest my case.” #ACB

[Norris Garman @norrisgarman]

I just got a brand new #AppleWatch and already I think I’ve been #hacked. Every hour it keeps reminding me to sit down and stop breathing. @Apple #Apple #wearables @Mouseonradar

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

#ChelseaClinton emphatically states person with beard and penis can identify as a woman.

Asked how she could be so sure she explained: “I asked Dad. He said put her in a #bluedress and he’d fuck her. Case closed.”

Haha... just another reason to look for a #Trump2020Landslide

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

William S Burroughs reporting for the London Exaggerator has uncovered the “Steely Dan” Dossier alleging Trump ate lunch naked and nicknamed his dick “whistle” at a #Ukraine hotel. If #stormydaniels is the real #whistleblower can #Trump be impeached like #Clinton? #MondayMorning

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

#BernieSanders has sunk so far in the polls it appears he’s had to resort to a publicity #stent to try and boost his ratings. When questioned, a Sanders spokes-intern insisted this wasn’t just some stent... this was serious... serious as a heart attack. Feel the #BernOut

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

#JeffreyEpstein is dead while on suicide watch. So does suicide watch mean watch this guy commit suicide? Or does it mean this guy is getting to be more trouble than he’s worth. When no one is looking murder him. Just askin’ #JeffreyEpsteinDead

[Norris Garman @norrisgarman]

#jokes Who's You Daddy?: Johnson took his latest invention, a computerized crystal ball, to his banker hoping to get a business loan. The banker was skeptical, so Johnson said to give it a try. The banker typed "Where's my father?" and instantly the reply https://t.co/FzS9ssGLAe

[Julia Brown @jbjulestx]

After the #maroon5 snoozer I couldn’t watch any more #SuperBowlLlll - the worst in history. But I wanted to stay with the #Atlanta theme. So I switched to re-runs of “Say Yes to the Dress Atlanta”. More drama and excitement than the high school level play from the #rams.

[Norris Garman @norrisgarman]

#jokes Let's Get Started!: https://t.co/comi5aHRoh

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

This just in: Antony Perkins, reporter for the Washington Exaggerator, has confirmed - Bruce Ohr and Nellie Ohr are the same person! A press conference is scheduled for tomorrow at the Bates Motel. #FBI #DOJ #SteeleDossier #RussiaHoax

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

Every time I see a headline about that abomination the Democrats rammed through - the Affordable Care Act - I think: it’s unaffordable, they don’t care, it’s all an act. And now it’s #unconstitutional. #Obamacare #RIP

[Norris Garman @norrisgarman]

#jokes I Wanna Watch: What's the difference between a pickpocket and a Peeping Tom? A pickpocket snatches watches. https://t.co/j4Aiq6pYBK

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

Love the rogues gallery known as the #G20 group picture. A real Murderer’s Row. #Putin/#Russia by poison. #MBS/#SaudiArabia dismemberment by bone saw. #Xi/#China how many millions? #Erdogan/#Turkey Ministry of Justice purge. I’d love to go on but all I’ve got is 280 characters.

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

#StaceyAbrams won’t concede the governor’s race against #BrianKemp in #Georgia. She’s hoping #AlFranken will show up with a bunch of phony ballots in the trunk of his car. Hey... worked in #Minnesota in 2008!

[Dick's JokeOfTheDay @djokeoftheday]

#49ersCheerleader takes a knee? She’s only gone half-way. If she wants to play on my field she’s gonna have to go all the way and take two knees. #49ers #NFL #TakeAKnee

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

Why haven’t any of the geniuses in the media figured out that the #memo allegedly swiped by #garycohn didn’t just disappear. Anyone with access to the file could simply reprint it. Duh.

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

#Mueller #RussianCollusion investigation = #WitchHunt #NYTimesOpEd = Blair Witch Project! A publicity stunt to boost sales. And just like the movie, we’ll soon learn it was all a hoax. Who says there’s nothing new at the Old Gray Lady? How about a new low in American journalism!

[Carson Walker @cwalkerpol]

Who else sees #GDPR compliance as one big #painintheass? Can’t we just click to a website and read without having to pledge allegiance to the gods of #privacy (which we give up anyway) just to get past a pop-up? Re-tweet if you think this is a #loadofcrap. Thanks #EU.