k🗽

Damn near perfect.

[Trysta Krick 🔥 @Trysta_Krick]

Might be the funniest thing I’ve read all day 😂

[LaughBreak: Dad Jokes ‘N More @MediocreJoker85]

While reading an article about fathers and sons having their first drink together, I remembered the time I took my daughter out for her first drink.

We went to a bar just two blocks from the house.

I got her a Sam Adams. She didn’t like it. so I drank it. Then I got her a Sierra Nevada Pale Ale. Same thing — so I drank that too. Then I tried a Blue Moon. Nope… drank that as well.

Thinking maybe she’d prefer something stronger, I ordered a Tito’s and soda. She wouldn’t touch it… so I drank it.
In desperation, I even got a top-shelf bourbon — the bar’s finest. She wouldn’t even smell it… so I drank that too.

By the time I realized she just didn’t like to drink, I was so drunk I could barely push her stroller home.

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@cinderellini For real

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@scrappynbdy Definitely an ick

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@BestinDogs Count Chocula

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@Stopworkplacebu We expect everyone to be a team player

[Ray Mond @AmberRayz]

My first day at work, wondering how tf did I delete the entire company's database.😅🤦

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@SundaeDivine Trumpenburg

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@TrueFactsStated Where’s the Brain?

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@ThatEricAlper Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@ThatEricAlper Family enters a singing contest then goes for a hike in some mountains.

[gill @contactabrother]

managers be like “damn i gotta sit on my ass again today”

[Myrna Tellingheusen @PearlsFromMyrna]

I remember a time where we could all sit down and discuss our differences, and they would come to realize I was correct.

[Ghostface Kryllah @kryzazzy]

No one:

My cat at 4:12 am: These curtains are stupid, I’m taking them down

[Dan Regan @DanRegan_Comedy]

Read another story about a missing hiker.

I've never gone missing sitting on my couch.

[Granite Man 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿 @GraniteDhuine]

Her: How do you manage to stay so positive?

Me: I'm delusional.

[k🗽 @ocean1blue]

@7Veritas4 “A leader I’d follow forever” Kevin McCarthy