OfficeFred

Worn down

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

They should set up a non religious church. I'd quite like to go for a sing song every week with my local community. Just don't want to listen to anyone drone on about Jesus and is cronies.

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

We need to normalise not going to work if you've got a cold, and still paying people if they're off for that. I don't want your fucking cold.

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

Shocked to discover there are monsters walking among us who don’t agree yellow is **the** colour for Post It notes. What is wrong with these people?

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

Good

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

Do you remember when you joined Twitter? I do! #MyTwitterAnniversary

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

There should be a cat tax. Owners have to pay an annual tax - say £1000 per cat - and the money given to non-cat households to pay for the inconvenience of clearing up cat poo from their lawns

[VeryBritishProblems @SoVeryBritish]

Had just about enough of this week.

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

High five if your retirement plan is resting on 6 little balls tomorrow.

[Have I Got News For You @haveigotnews]

Lettuce and tomato shortage leads to debate over whether Brexit is to blame, sparking angry exchanges on Facebook between leaf and romaine supporters.

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

[Fuck You I Quit @fuckyouiquit]

Please please please let this catch on like wildfire

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

Haven’t had a go at the #LunchPun for ages. Started a new job recently that’s proving to be very stressful, i’m still struggling to find the thyme even after 3 months at the herb factory.

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

@NoContextBrits The ramekin!!

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

Dear office kitchen dickheads who don’t take 10 seconds to clean up after yourselves…

[Brian Moore @brianmoore666]

Someone will have to tell me why the people in the ads are so chuffed at selling a car, to a company that buys any car.

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

How many times a day are an employer legally allowed to inflict Lewis Capaldi on you under the Geneva Convention?

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

Double this. I suspect it’s why most office phones have gone cordless to reduce the chances of strangulation. #SelfishPricks

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

If you think it’s acceptable to put your phone on speakerphone while you’re on hold in an open plan office you need to give your head a serious wobble 😬 #OfficeLife

[GrumpySkeletor @GrumpySkeletor]

Just asked He-Man what his favourite sitcom is. He replied 'Mrs Brown's Boys' so I had no option but to throw him out of the fucking window.

[Neville Southall @NevilleSouthall]

The enemy of the working class travels by private jet, not in a dinghy.

[Anon Opin. @anon_opin]

People who use 'nice to e-meet you' in emails need to have a word with themselves

[OfficeFred @office_fred]

@fesshole Sadly not actually unbelievable.