nichole

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

@GoogleWorkspace if the only admin accidentally deleted their account, is there a way to restore?

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

January: “oh we NEVER eat out”

Now: “I’m so tired of cooking every damn day”

🧐

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

Quarantine is surreal. Definitely feels like I’m the only one sitting at home. Is this a big joke on me, guys? Guys?

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

Genie: You have 1 wish left

Me: pretty sure I used 3 already

Genie: nope

Me: Yup

Genie: no I counted, 1 more

Me: dude I wished away pumpkin spice deal with it

[Reverend Scott @Reverend_Scott]

DOG 911: what's ur emergency

DOG: MY BALL IS UNDER THE COUCH

DOG 911: u try barking at it?

DOG: IT DIDN'T WORK

DOG 911: OMG

DOG: OMG

[Token Geezer @Token_Geezer]

People say I'm easily distracted but that cheesecake looks nice

[Token Geezer @Token_Geezer]

Don't worry, everyone else here was funnier 5 years ago too.

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

@richardwdaley YES!!

If I just move fast enough your camera won’t catch me. <— the tourists

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

Oh? Camera on a tripod pointed at the ocean; no distance between the camera and the water but plenty of room to walk behind it? I’ll just mosey on thru in front of it because fuck your long exposure shot.

- sincerely, Florida Residents and Tourists

[Just J @junejuly12]

Confuse a teenager today by paying with cash at the grocery store.

[Dad and Buried @DadandBuried]

Wife: I can't stand hearing you chew.

Me: You might have that syndrome thing that makes the sound extra annoying.

Wife: You mean marriage?

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

You can do it!

- coffee

- also, alcohol

[Donna McCoy @Donna_McCoy]

I just asked my husband if he remembers what today is.

Scaring men is easy.

[nichole @OffRoadRnr]

Time for a budget. My credit card is offering me deals on Maseratis.

[Robert Knop @FatherWithTwins]

For breakfast, my 7yo made a sausage sandwich with waffles for the bread, and now he's my new life coach.